I feel useless and worthless .No matter how I encouraged my self to love myself ,I cant do it .No,I really can't fcking do it!!
There are times that I question my existence and my self worth.Coz no matter how I said to myself that it will be okay but no it wont be!
I also question the above why its me ,why it has to be me and not other people .And why the fuck I have to suffer like this .
Maybe youre wondering why Im like this .
When I was in grade 3 , my mom received a shocking news.We were on the hospital for consultation for my left ear.
My left ear keep swelling and bleeding .It keep up to be like that for days not until I cant take it anymore.
My mom took me to the doctor and the doctor prescribe me an eardrops and some medicine.
The medicine help up the swelling pero yung may mga time na sobrang sakit siya at di na talaga kaya.
We recheck up again after 3 weeks .The doctor said if its keep aching ,I will lost my ability to hear .
Those words kahit alam kong bata pa ako nung time na yon naiintindihan ko kung ano yon .Hindi na ako makakarinig .
I survived my elementary yrs by being strong.It was bearable not to hear on my left ear.But pagtuntong ng highschool di ko maiwasan na kabahan.Buti nalang nakayanan ko .I listen attentively .
Kaya pagdating ko sa room ko ayon my dark room waa waiting for me .And here I am overthinking again if makakaya ko pa to .
Kaya minsan ayoko ng maraming kaibigan baka kamuhian ako.Natatakot ako na mabully dahil dito .
Pero kaya ko harapin ang mga iyon dahil alam kong matapang ako.Kahit na sobrang kinamuhian ko ang sarili ko ipaglalaban ko parin dahil ako to.
I dont know when will times come i have to accept my flaws because this time I can only pretend to love myself and pretend to be okay .
Kaso there are times na di ko talaga maiwasan na mag overthink about myself .
Like will someone like me for who i am? accept me for who I am?
While thinking all of that di ko maiwasan na isipin na di ko deserved na mag mahal o mahalin ako .
I always cried before sleeping while thinking those things and there are some nights na I stayed up late para di ako mag isip.
I am masking up my pain coz I dont like sharing and I dont want to be burden.
So its okay to be not okay sometimes !!!
^Vote and comment is highly appreaciated .thank you !^^
YOU ARE READING
Mi SoL
RomanceMi Sol spanish word means my sunshine. We all are so stupid and blind when its comes to love . Love- its a unexplainable feelings.We feel it to someone who we feel attracted to . okay- some days are okay to not be okay .Your a human being so its f...
