hit me hard and soft/ a billie eilish fan fiction.

3

Trigger warning: OD, ADDICTION
LA DAY 2

I woke up in a surprisingly good mood. This was a shock to me, especially after everything that has been going on.

Yesterday was a dream come true and being able to vibe with Billie was so needed. As sad as I am about my separation, when I spoke to Billie it was like the world stopped for a few minutes, Even though our conversation wasn't long and I practically left the scene before it could get any deeper... it still felt nice to be affirmed by her, something that's been foreign to me for a couple years now.

-
I woke up to 10 missed calls from Jade and god know how many texts. She hasn't been handling things well, the day I left our apartment I had never seen her so distraught. I've watched her overdose, twice and somehow watching her beg me to stay hysterically was the icing on the cake for me. How shitty is that? This woman has almost died in front of me and I'm more devastated that I have to leave her behind and let her go.

-
Flashback

Tonight was Jade's first performance of her musical career, There was a small, hidden venue in Florida
Where all the underground artists come to perform and share their art. Besides the drug use, Sloppy drunks and Underage assholes acting reckless, it was a pretty cool place and would provide Jade the freedom to share a piece of her with everyone.

I was so proud of her, the music she wrote was a love letter to everything in her life that had meaning. She always had issues opening up but it felt almost effortless when she was writing and performing.

"Hey baby" Jade says as she joins me in our kitchen, she places a soft kiss to my forehead and wraps her arms around me. Jade had been out of rehab for 2 weeks at this point. From what I can see she's struggling but she's grateful to have another chance at life.

" Hi my love, are you excited for tonight?" I continue to wrap my arms around her to embrace her.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous as shit" we both chuckled, I take a moment to browse her features, her eyes are no longer sunken in, she's gained a glow back to her face that she hasn't had since this battle started. She looked like the girl I met in high school, a wave of relief brushes over me as I finally feel I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. maybe she won't get high again, maybe we could live a simple lifestyle, maybe we can finally be happy and start a family together.

"There's no reason to be, you work so hard to not share this piece of you with a crowd."

This encouraged her to squeeze me tighter as she places a few kisses down the crook of my neck, we sat there for a couple minutes, hearts beating in perfect unison, soaking in the harmonies of each others breathing.

I never loved anyone to this depth before.

  Being able to have her in my arms was a blessing,  she beat the odds a few weeks ago,  the whole neighborhood practically grieved along with me. I remember finding Jade sprawled out at the bottom of our stairs, almost like she sat down and lost consciousness. My first reaction was to scream, cry, shout.

" Jade please fucking wake up."

"You can't leave me, I can't do this alone Jade please wake up!"

I lost it, soon I was the crazy lady screaming in the middle of her neighborhood because her girlfriend was dead.

My next door neighbor immediately called the police, others tried to get me to calm down as if I hadn't just witnessed what seemed like my own personal hell I couldn't escape.