VI | I'm Sorry

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JEALOUSY IS AN UGLY DISEASE.

The feeling is foreign, invading my thoughts like an unwanted plague.

Perhaps it is because envy is one of the seven deadly sins. I wonder, for not the first time, why envy is always described as green. Jealousy is a vicious monster, clouding one's vision and revealing their true colours. It can reveal the sorrowful blackness of a heart, the icy blue sadness in a stare, or the blood-red corrupting pain. So many colours and green is never one of them.

I look at all of them talking to each other near my hospital bed. They have not yet realised that I have woken up, so I observe, silent and unyielding. Ravi has changed out of his bloody scrubs into a fresh doctor's coat and is asleep on the hospital couch. Jordan is asleep too, nestled into Ravi's arms; his head rests on Ravi's shoulder. Jordan is unharmed. Thank God. I would have never forgiven myself if anything would have happened to him. Aaron sleeps horizontally on the length of the couch, his feet are one Ravi's lap, and a loose limb covers his head as it rests upon the couch's arm.

I can hear Tashido and Vincent talk in hushed whispers. Logan's hospital bed has mysteriously been moved next to mine, and he too is asleep. Everyone fits in like it's their natural habitat. Either they are sleeping or talking, like it's just another casual night at the hospital.

Even if my family doesn't show it, love surrounds them like a shield. I take in the worried look on Vincent's face as he looks into Tashi's angry, clouded dark eyes that promise retribution. I can see the way Ravi's arm hooks over Jordan's back like a caressing embrace, his other hand protectively laid over Aaron's feet that rest on his lap. I can feel it by the way Logan scaldingly grips my arm even in his sleep, right across from his own hospital bed.

Love has many fonts, and right now, I am witnessing them all.

Is this the silent love I missed out on all these years?

Soon sadness replaces the jealousy, white and blinding hot. I gulp for air.

Water, water, water.

I try sitting up. The white appendages wrapped around it scratch against coarse skin and I grit my teeth as a searing pain shoots up through my arm. I gasp softly, but it's enough to send Vincent and Tashi running my way.

"I know now isn't the right time, but I need details. What did he look like? I want everything: hair colour, stature, the colour of his coat–"

"Vincent–"

"Not this time, Thea. I have, and always will listen to you, but not this time."

"I'm with Vince on this one." Tashi speaks up. He is towering over the hospital bed which I lie on, and staring daggers at the wall, as if it is to blame for the attack, which is absurd.

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