Redundancy [Fyodor Dostoyevsky x Reader]

Chapter 5: Traitor

A's Notes: A little bit of a chapter to shape up the plot and where it's going, a little snippet of the following relationship between our characters and where everyone stands on the MC. How's everyone been by the way? Finishing up exams and looking at apartments for next year here! Excited to go home to see my family and partner :DD

Sorry for the wait, already started on chapter 6 since this one's a shorter chapter!!

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Fyodor didn't have fears. He knew his purpose–to save those who were less than him, by any means, yet not at the expense of himself. He never understood the desires of the flesh, nor the feelings often described to him by Nikolai. He never understood fear beyond God's judgement, yet even that seemed to pale in comparison to the first time he looked into your eyes. Unlike God, your forgiveness wasn't something he craved, but a necessity like the breaths that fell from his lips. Through fear, God exerted his teachings, which he would repeat like a mantra. Through fear, he found his infatuation only grew for you. For you, not with you, yet the way your eyes lingered on the burn on his chest has his head reeling. The day he met you was the first day he questioned God. Not that of his existence, but more so if he was a woman with a nicotine addiction and a sly smile. He was scared if he blinked too long, you'd disappear. God fearing no longer meant to him what it does to every other subject, but rather with him as your only subject. And yet, his only fear was whether your love was everlasting or not.

Her breath seemed to close in on him, a cage entrapping a clipped bird. However, a quick snap and squeal of the kettle cut through the tension like a dull blade.

Immediately, her eyes snapped away from his as she turned her back to his. Fyodor lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. YN grasped two cups ignorant of the handles, before pouring the smooth liquid, before handing it to Fyodor without looking at him. Her legs carried towards her balcony and his legs carried him to her. She leaned against the railing of the Juliette balcony, the wind brushing through her hair and caressing her tired skin. The unrelenting gaze of his, the heat of his gaze seemed to replace the sun which hid away. YN reached out for a cigarette, the lighter meeting the bud as she inhaled. She hummed in relief as she took a sip from her coffee.

"American cowslips." Fyodor called out, his eyes wandering to the overgrown greenery, peeking out the sides of her railings. "How strange it is for it to grow here of all places,"

YN could only nod in agreement, leaning over the railing as she tapped off the rubble. "You like flowers?" He raised his brow in reply, nodding his head as well.

"Nature is godly." He spoke smoothly, taking a sip of caffeine. A small smile placed itself on her lips.

"Do you know the meaning behind American cowslips?" She asked with the exhale of her cigarette. Fyodor looked down at her, though it felt more as if he was looking up at her. His fists felt heavy on his arms, his head heavy on his shoulders. Her raised brow only encouraged him to vocalise his stutters. It almost asked him: 'So? What does it mean?'

"You are my divinity." He answered, soft brushes against his lips.

–

"You're late." Kunikida spoke in an accusatory tone, to which Dazai simply responded with the curling of his lips. His long legs waltzed its way over to his favourite coworker, hands slipping across the smooth wood of the desk. His lips sealed shut with a smile, one that seemed to only irritate Kunikida further. Dazai only shrugged, unusually happy.

"You'll never guess who I ran into yesterday." Dazai hummed.

"And who would that be?" Kunikida asked.