Sick Simon Herniksson

Chapter 2

Warning, this chapter contains vomit, bad thoughts, nightmares and rage. This is more my idea since I couldn't sleep XD

After she left, Simon sat there for a few moments in silence, before getting sick at the thought of her being next door. He wanted to get rid of her, but he can't do jackshit himself because of this damn wheelchair. After a few more moments passed he gagged loudly, letting his head fall back a bit looking up at the ceiling, feeling his head hurt more than usual, he gagged again loudly, putting his head on his palms, holding his head so he won't fall from his wheelchair and remind there, he tried his best to keep his breathing steady, but it was slowly getting worse, gagging more and more while his breathing got shaky.

"Fuck.."

That's all he said as he rubbed his eyes before gagging, he took a deep breathe before wheeling himself as fast as he could to the bathroom, he opened the door hardly getting more nauseous and dizzy, he gritted his teeth, slamming the bathroom door open before wheeling himself towards the toilet, he was scared that he won't make it to the toilet and end up throwing up on the floor. He didn't want that, his apartment was already a mess and his own vomit on the floor wasn't making it better, however he gladly made it to the toilet, but he remind silent his nausea calming down for a bit, he remind there in his wheelchair facing the damn toilet that was a disgusting looking thing, he was thinking to .. or to not stick his fingers in his throat so he can just get rid of nausea, but then he also didn't want to throw up, feeling too tired to bend over the toilet and feel his organs like he was in a roller coaster, he sighs and shoved two fingers deep in his throat gagging once again loudly before closing his eyes and bending over the toilet and throwing up a good amount of beer.

After throwing up, the Swede sat back absolutely uncomfortable on his wheelchair. Not even caring to flush the toilet, being too lazy, rolling out of the bathroom at least closing the door, he wheel himself to the living room at the table where his book was nicely placed on the table, he sighs and started to check his book for any mistakes. Though, his mind kept thinking about her. Thinking of her annoyingly friendly personality she had years ago, and how much she pissed him off back then because of it. In the middle of checking, his mind thought of when she had ruffled his hair earlier today. It pissed him off but.. he found himself somewhat liking it? But he shouldn't! She was the most annoying person in his whole damn high school, the very last person he'd want to.. Simon grumbles under his breath. He was getting distracted from checking again. He really just wanted to focus on checking his book but her presence was.. just so distracting. He didn't want to think of her at all, but here he was. He hated how she was being so friendly with him, he hated that she.. was starting to make him happy. Ugh, disgusting. Happy? He'd rather die. Simon rolls his way away from the table, making his way to his bedroom and trying his best to get off his wheelchair, eventually he sat himself down on his old shitty bed. He groans out, staring up at the ceiling in both anger and slight discomfort. He was starting to get.. confused by his own damn thoughts for the first time in years. No goddamn clue what to do with this weird feeling. He sighs to himself, thinking of his next session with Purnell. He groans in discomfort again, he really didn't want to see that man. He definitely would be getting a lecture on how he's 'self-harming' himself by making himself throwing up like that.. then again, he couldn't deny that there would not be a good reason to have Purnell lecture him about it. But he just hates that man so much..
Simon rubs his face in annoyance. Thinking about Purnell made him think of that woman again.. Y/N. That goddamn woman was really getting on his nerves. He could practically see her annoyingly friendly face in his mind. It both pissed him off and made him feel slightly.. warm inside. Like he was actually happy.. He hated that. Another groan left the Swede's lips, as he tried to turn himself in his bed. He buried his pillow onto his face, feeling slightly frustrated. Why the hell can't he just get her happy and friendly face out of his head?! No matter how goddamn much he tried, he couldn't shake all the thoughts about her and her stupid face. The warmth her friendliness gave him.. and the anger he felt over and over again. He couldn't decide which he felt more; anger or that weird happy feeling. After a long while tossing and trying to get in a somewhat acceptable position in his shitty bed, he finally fell asleep. Though the sleep was light and brief in the end. The Swede had another nightmare that night, as always. Though tonight it had Y/N in it. He had a dream that he was suddenly walking again, but the joy didn't last long. A second or two passed and the ground suddenly opened up, making Simon's whole body fall into a dark empty void. But then.. Y/N suddenly appeared, as if she was walking on air. She walked over the void and kneeled down to him, that annoyingly happy smile on her face. Why was she smiling in this fucking nightmare..? She then held out her hand to him. He hesitated, but took it anyway. He felt warm and happy as soon as he felt her touch, his own small smile appeared on his lips. It just felt so.. so nice to be happy for once. Even if it wasn't real.. that happiness felt amazing. He could really get used to feeling that kind of happiness. However, before he could get too much of that 'amazing' feeling, Y/N suddenly vanished.. leaving Simon all alone in that dreaded void. Just like, that, he felt his whole stomach go empty. All happiness just suddenly.. gone, as well as the feeling of Y/N's touch. It felt as if a part of Simon suddenly just shattered. He desperately tried to grab onto the air, hoping she would come back to give him that damn warm and happy feeling again. He was.. so goddamn desperate to feel something other than the cold lonely feeling of his nightmare.. He tried so desperately that he started panicking. He wanted her to come back, HE REALLY WANTED to feel her again! He was clawing at the air, tears starting to fall down his cold cheeks. He just wanted her to touch him again, to hold him close again. Anything, anything for him to feel like he was actually wanted by someone.. Simon's eyes suddenly shot open, tears falling down his cheeks rapidly. His breathing was quick and rapid as he stared up at his ceiling, trying to process and understand what the hell just happened. He felt scared yet angry at the same time.. scared at how much he wanted her to come back. He cursed at himself, rubbing his face hard to wipe the tears away. He was so disgusted with himself. He was disgusted just how much he wanted her to come back and give him that happiness again; to touch him again and give him her damn warm feeling. He felt sick again. How could that have been the happiest he's ever felt.. in his literal nightmare all at that? He never felt that happy in all his years of being alive until now. He's never actually wanted someone's touch and comfort before.. he groaned ..except hers. Why did it have to be her of all people?! She's ANNOYING. She's a CHILDISH woman. An IDIOT. he growled to himself, trying to roll over in his bed. His mind then got filled with images of her annoyingly smiling face. That warm feeling returned upon thinking of her. Why did he feel so warm thinking of her? Why was she the only person that could make him feel this way..? The Swede cursed at himself once again, feeling both extremely frustrated and mad. He just wants to stop feeling like this.. this stupid, warm and happy feeling he got when thinking of her. Simon buried his face into his pillow again, the tears on his cheeks had dried up. His heart felt like it was pounding in his chest. He hated this. He hated this so much. For the first time in.. years he actually wants someone to hold him, and it's that goddamn woman that makes him feel this way. It honestly felt so.. wrong. Yet he can't help it, he can't help but want to feel her presence again. He wants to hear her annoyingly childish voice again, wants to actually feel her hands touching him again. Those small things gave him the best warm and happy feeling he's ever felt yet. And he actually wants to feel more of it.. But why her? Why did it have to be her that makes him feel this way? Why couldn't it have been.. Sophie? He loved Sophie for years.. and yet, she never managed to make him feel as happy and warm as Y/N did.. but he still wanted SOPHIE.. Everything else in his mind seemed to drown out. The only thing going through his brain right now was her smiling stupidly and childishly at him. Her stupidly friendly and almost innocent tone of voice kept playing in his mind. Her.. damn touch.. it felt so warm and so damn good. He can't think about her like this, he can't..

"mhh.. fuck.. what is this feeling?"

he murmur to himself as he groaned annoyed. Simon was starting to feel like a damn lovesick child now, and he was honestly starting to get annoyed with himself because of it. He never thought he would ever feel like this with someone, much less her of all people.. he just needed to get these weird feelings away from him. He just had to get these confusing feelings of hers away from him.. He thought and thought, all the while his damn thoughts kept on going back to her. Every single warm or happy thought he had.. was about her.
He groaned again, he was.. so god damn confused by his new found thoughts, he didn't understand why he liked her touch and her voice so much. He doesn't even remember the last time he's hugged anybody, never mind.. being touched and hold by a woman. Much less, Y/N.

suddenly he let out an unexpected moan as he let his head fall on the pillow, but as he heard himself let out the moan he put his hands over his mouth looking shocked at the pillow. It seems like he accidentally thought of her touch again, causing him to let out an unexpected moan in reaction to it. He quickly got angry at himself as he growled to himself. He did not just.. moan.. because of her touch in his mind.. he was not going to accept that to be true. He gritted his teeth as he narrow his eyebrows taking one of his shitty pillows with his right hand before grabbing on it tightly and throwing it across his room.

"FUUUCK!"

he yelled out in frustration, as he angrily punched on his other pillow, his heart was pounding and his breathing felt heavy. Yet the only thing he could think about was her touch, her childish voice and annoyingly happy smile.. AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN MAKE IT STOP!

He stopped his punches, dropping down to the bed as he let out some uneven breathes. His heart was still pounding.. and he was feeling warm and slightly tingly all of a sudden.. what the hell was he feeling..?

...Then he suddenly thought of her voice again, her childish and cheerful tone made his heart pound.. and the warmth and tingly feeling suddenly started to get stronger.. wait.. ..he began to realize that the warm and tingly feeling he was feeling was.. excitement.. of her touch. He wanted her touch so badly, and his excitement at the thought of her touch made him even more confused. He never felt excitement like this before, the hell is it even supposed to feel like..? It just.. felt like.. electricity going through his whole body. He wanted her to touch him now..

"argh.. I am just a stupid useless vegetable I shouldn't feel this.. this bullshit.."

He was angry at himself for thinking of her touch again, yet he could not help but feel.. excited. It seemed like every time he thought of her touch, excitement went through his body again, causing his heart to beat and his breath getting unsteady. He needed her, he.. wanted her. There was no denying to that.. he craved for her. Craved for her touch..