Love Heals

Chapter 3

Laying in bed, I question why I haven't told Ben we should move now; why hold ourselves back. He's been talking to me more and more each night about moving back home and taking the new job. We agree that when it comes up and happens, then we will do it. I've been fighting to tell Thea the truth; it's not easy, as We have to do this carefully. All these things weigh heavy on me, and I wonder when things will become easy again when Danny doesn't want to see Thea and when Ben is happy being here.

"Honey," Ben says as he rolls over in bed. His hard chest is against my arm, and I know at this moment, he has to know.

"What?" I ask shyly. I pull the blankets closer to my chin. I'm not ready to get up, not yet, anyway.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" He giggles as he moves his lips along my neck, placing small kisses as he talks.

"Nothing," I giggle and move back away from him.

"Lair," he laughs as he sits up and tickles me. He always does this when he wants me to open up to him.

"No, it's nothing you can change, so why talk about it."

"Because you, my wife, are struggling at the moment. I want you to have no stress and everything to be perfect." At this, I laugh louder than I mean to. "Honey, I really do only want what's best for you. I love you, and I don't want you to—"

"Ben," I say, stopping him. "My phone is ringing. Will you grab that for me?" He sighs, grabs my phone, looks at the caller ID, and shakes his head. "Who?"

"Danny," he rolls his eyes when answering my phone. "Yes," he says, and I can hear in his tone how unhappy he is about taking this call. Part of me wonders why he didn't just have it go to voicemail and why he took the call in the first place. There is so much that I will never understand, but when it comes to Danny, he almost has a weakness. "What the hell do you want?"

I can't hear what Danny is saying, but I can see the stress growing in Ben's eyes, which hurts. I'm the reason he has this added stress. Had I just placed Thea up for adoption, then none of this would be happening, things would be simpler, and we wouldn't have to worry about her, and I'd know she was in a loving home and well taken care of.

As a family, we agreed that she would stay with me and that we would take care of her as a team and keep her safe and healthy, and we have done that so far.

"No, fuck off, Danny, I don't care," Ben starts to move off the bed, and I look at him in just his shorts, and I smile. He got a tattoo years ago for Thea, and I wonder if he would ever do that again, get another one for a child we so desperately want. Things aren't that simple, and there is so much pain and sorrow. "Danny—" he is cut off when he closes the bathroom door. I know at this moment, he won't keep asking me questions.

We promised Thea and Caden that we would take them to the zoo while Cora adjusted to being home. I had asked if she wanted to join, but she said she would like to be home and not have Caden watch her struggle to do everyday things. My friend is struggling, and I can't help but feel like there is something I could do to make things better for her, but I don't know what it could be. She's been through so much in just three weeks, and I feel at a loss for what to do for her. There are so many things that I wish I could do better for her, but I wonder if that will ever happen.

"FUCK YOU!" Ben yells from the bathroom now, and I don't know if I even want to move now. "No, you—"

"Mommy," Thea says as she opens the bedroom door. I see her tiny frame standing in the doorway. Is Daddy okay?"

"Yeah, he's just dealing with—" I'm cut off as Ben starts yelling again. "Let's go to your room and get dressed," I say, hurrying her from hearing these things. I wonder what Danny has said this time. Ben and Danny usually got along better than this, but something must have been said about Thea getting to see him. When he signed away his rights, we agreed that he wouldn't ask questions about her and would deal with what information we shared with him; he couldn't ask anything of us.