Reborn To Be The Imperial Consort [BL]

Swaying Gladiolus - VI

“Say, Your Highness,” Li Xinyuan continued, as gently as he could. “A man is not above pain, he is not above misery and certainly not above mourning. So why do you hold yourself to such strict standards?” He paused, glancing at him carefully. “Why not allow yourself the right to mourn, is Your Highness not a human?”

Liu Mingyun let out a quiet noise of protest. “... No…”

Li Xinyuan smiled faintly. “Then is Your Highness’ identity as a Prince segregated from his being as human?”

Liu Mingyun blinked slowly, shaking his head. “... No.”

Li Xinyuan shifted on the bed, slowly swinging his legs. “Then why allow your duty to overwhelm your existence as a human?”

Liu Mingyun blinked slowly, as though a realisation had dawned upon him. Turning away from the surgeon, the Crown Prince stared at his lap, contemplating.

“You are not wrong, Xinyuan,” he breathed out, nodding slowly. “This Prince— no, I am not above my emotions, nor above my humanity—” his calloused hands clenched on his lap, a flickering flame of emotions burning in the tumultuous pool of his eyes. “—I am allowed to feel guilt. I'm, I'm allowed to…”

Li Xinyuan raised his eyebrows, waiting for him to finish his words. But when Liu Mingyun couldn't complete the sentence even after a while, the surgeon pursed his lips, feeling as though an invisible hand was squeezing his heart.

“... Your Highness is allowed to mourn, Your Highness is allowed to grieve,” tentatively resting his hand on the Crown Prince's knee, Li Xinyuan completed the sentence for him, watching his reaction as he did so.

As they sat together, thighs touching and sharing the warmth of their flesh, Li Xinyuan couldn't help the suffocating pain swirling in his heart.

Never. Never had it occurred to him that perhaps, perhaps, the male lead was not just a man, a lofty man, with all the power in the world at his disposal. That Liu Mingyun was not just a two dimensional character, a simple, powerful love interest for the female lead.

That Liu Mingyun, this man — Li Xinyuan's golden eyes flickered to glance at the side of his handsome face — was more. More than what he had thought him to be. Prior to meeting him, prior to understanding him.

Now that Li Xinyuan had spent more than enough time around Liu Mingyun, he could confidently conclude that yes, the latter wasn't just a character. He was a human, as human as Li Xinyuan himself. As human as the surgeon had been.

Had Li Xinyuan been a different man, a different person, it might have taken him a long time, perhaps a few years, to come in terms with this fact.

But Li Xinyuan was… He was himself. He was quick to accept a lot of things, himself and the people around him. Still, it took him a long time to realise this. More than it took him to understand this fact.

He had been living in the world of this novel, his now reality, for years. Ever since he was a young boy, a toddler, really.

Now, looking back, the surgeon couldn't help but feel ashamed of himself. All these years, he had been living with his auntie, Hu Lijing and everyone else in the Divine Phoenix Hospital, subconsciously thinking of them as mere characters. As though their lives held less than his ever did.

Unwittingly, Li Xinyuan had become a doctor just to continue the work he loved and out of selfish desire to learn more about the medical practices of this world filled with fantastical elements.

All of it, everything he had been doing was out of selfish intent rather than the selflessness of his oath as a doctor.

He bowed his head, eyes heavy and hair hiding his features. How… How utterly shameful it was. Li Xinyuan clenched his fist on his lap, gritting his teeth as he tried to take a deep, calming breath, wanting to silence the negative thoughts that threatened to swallow him whole as they swarmed his mind.