Random Story Time

Random Storytime: Sleepless Nights on Daydreams

I cried for months at preschool.

Never knew why. The school wasn't scary, the teacher's were kind, and I wasn't being bullied by the other kids. All I recall is the sheer sadness I felt whenever Dad or Mom dropped me off-especially when I started riding the bus later that semester-overwhelmed me. I didn't get sad on the way to the school, that was the odd thing. The ride over musta soothed me with it's ever changing fog frosted hills, cud coddling cows, and pastel primrose skylines. Even getting into town didn't work me up none!

My brain got's standards apparently! She needs to see the school building afore she realizes there's any danger.

Mortar, grout, and concrete? Leanne's eyes get watery. Trees, cows, and birds? Time to relax and cram mac and cheese into my mouth, actuating my tasty taste receptors. Worked differently when I got personally dropped off at school. After hugging Dad goodbye, he worked in town so he took me more often, I was fine! T'was only when the door closed or he vanished from sight that the sadness came. Happened all at once too, rather than gradually. I could distract myself for a little, but eventually the tears would start dripping.

I'd lay my head on the table or I'd just burst into tears right where I stood. I tried my damndest to stop it, but the emotions didn't cooperate. Not that I'd expect them too, you can't always wrangle emotions into doing what you want-doesn't work that way. Probably even worse for a just turned five year old who's brain functions in simple definitions. Man, I don't think anything woulda calmed me down much back then. They tried computer games and talking things over to see where my head was-none of it soothed me for long. I didn't really want to eat or play with other kids too much, I just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry about missing my family. The staff were kind to me, checking up on me, trying to engage with me to get my mind off things.

Eventually though, I got called to the principal's office and told in no uncertain terms that things couldn't go on this way. I vaguely remember the light tan wood of the walls, the imposing wooden desk, and a blonde woman in a suit. What all she said or didn't is lost to time, but it did the trick!

Maybe she explained the fact I was taking away from other kids who also needed help, or just hurting myself crying so hard every day. Coulda been she talked about why I felt so sad with me and worked on ways to encourage me not to think about it, or turned it around so I could share wonderful adventures with my family after school ended. Either way, I'm glad they didn't punish me for it, or that my parents took me out of school. I ended up loving pre-school once I got the ole sponge to decide, okay leaving now makes sense to me-you got any crayons?

But...you wanna know a secret? Whenever I go somewhere new by myself I still end up crying and feeling homesick something awful. Being away from my family is hard until I get used to my new surroundings. If I'm staying somewhere new, I stay up all night to get used to the place. I absolutely cannot fall asleep that first night until I'm sure things are safe and nothing's gonna hurt me. Doesn't matter how old I get, pretty sure I'm gonna be a big cry baby and there's no shame in it! It's my process of learning to deal with the newness. The fear, the uncertainty, the surreal feeling of being. She settles in my gut-putting me in quite the depressed rut.

I don't bawl around other people anymore don't worry! I wait until I'm alone or until I know I can be free to express myself without worry.

It's always just that first night too. Doesn't matter how many times I went off to college every semester, the first nights of sleepovers at friends houses, or just a hotel room on a trip-it's just one of the things that make me who I am. I always cry in private if I can. I just feel more comfortable doing so these days. Mama taught me that there's no shame in crying afore I forget to mention it. Papa taught me that it's okay to have emotions, but that you can't let yourself get so wrapped up in em you forget others have them too.

It's not just going new places that get me or sadness that makes me cry! Books, cute songs, anything that's heartwarming or slightly found family-all of it gets me to happiness tears too!

Looking back, I think it was cause I was always around my mom all day, and the sudden change was really hard to take. I've always had issues with things being different, though I've gotten a lot better at processing and handling how I react to it all. Hahaha, it could also be I was a really spoiled child too. Probably a mixture of both.

I bring it up cause my Mama and I were watching Bluey today and the bedtime episode got us both bawling our eyes out. The thought of a gentle protector being there and helping you even when you're trying to be independent just...spoke to us both. The memories of ancient moments echoed in my head when trying to sleep, so I thought writing them out might help me make more sense of them. Talking to all y'all usually works, or mayhap it's that I speak aloud when typing that gets my brain settled down.

Either way! I believe in each and every one of you and know your own endeavors are going to make others happy. Give the world a brand new perspective. I hope you enjoy everything you do, and don't ever give up on being you! You are exactly where you're meant to be, and the journey you're on is worth every step-backwards or forwards-you take.

We can do this!! We can make our dreams reality! One word, note, artwork, or coded line at a time. How do I know?

Well, I wouldn't be who I am or where I am today without the love, support, and care of the family and friends in my life. That includes all of you! Your support for me has helped me get through tough times in my writing and personal life, and that's how I know you're strong enough to do this. Only the strongest and most beautiful hearts have the ability to offer comfort and sincerity to someone else. You aren't obligated to do so, so the fact you choose to is extremely telling.

Thank you for always being here to support me on my journey. ^-^

Now to segway to something a bit less glum!

Actuating is just fancy talk for activating-learned it from an old school game I've been binging. Riviera-the promised land. It's actually a ton of fun and the sprite work rivals the Fire Emblem and Golden Sun games! It's pretty creative and interesting-combining elements of early visual novels, turn based combat, and dungeon exploration. There's mini games to open chests, battles aren't randomized but story beat events-sort of like you're going through a DnD campaign.

Your items have various use levels too-so you gotta pick and choose what weapons and items to save. Your levels are based on the amount of skills you learn, so it's entirely possible to make the game super easy or incredibly difficult. I don't think it's possible to beat the game without level grinding, but I might just be super bad at handling combat. The turn order is based on the actions you take, so there may be a way to jank that up and take supreme advantage over the enemies.

Pretty short story wise and lacks a lot of world building and detail. I clocked about 25 hours completion, but most of that comes from practice battles and exploring around. You can speed through the text, and botch mini games or ignore them outright, for faster run through times. There's five characters who each have unique backstories and personalities, though they aren't delved into in depth. I found them and their battle quotes enjoyable-nothing ever felt too drawn out or repeated. To combat the relatively narrow storyline, you can replay the game multiple times and find numerous events and storybeats you missed in every dungeon and homeworld stop. For instance, in some playthroughs you can get smacked by a stalactite in the underground cemetery whereas in others you'll miss it. There are some story tropes like the male main character sees the girls in an onsen scene, but those are completely skippable.

What I found really cool was the affection system and the fact they got the characters to speak after battle lines and special move lines too. I had no idea the GBA could handle all that data and memory on a cartridge. The background artwork and locations are phenomenal, and the combat never felt dull or lifeless because of the elemental types and weapon advantages.

Anyway, that's enough outta me for the day! I'm off until next time y'all. See ya later!