My Seoul Man

Chapter 50

I jammed a big stainless ladle into the steaming, gummy mass of what had once been strips of dumpling dough and flung it into the sink next to the stove.

Blaine leapt back to keep from being splattered and scalded as it flew by. Crying, "What is up with you right now?"

And bursting into the ugliest tears I'd cried since I lost Sadie, I yelled, "I scorched a whole pot of chili, too, dammit! I just—don't touch that!"

Blaine snatched his hand back out of the sink and said, "I'm just tryin'a keep that goop from goin' down the drain, okay? You remember how shitty the plumbing is in old houses like this. The sinks in Cali were always backed up after your catering jobs."

He was right. I was just damned near certifiably insane that morning. The morning AJ left.

Since Hae Won had said she'd be sleeping in, I went back to Sadie's after seeing him off. Thinking maybe doing some gardening and cooking up some food for Blaine would keep my mind occupied.

But I was so worried about what might happen to AJ over there that I let the meat and beans stick at the bottom of the big pot of chili I'd thrown together. And it scorched so bad that I threw pot and all into the big bin outside.

And then I just took off to my house because I couldn't be in the same house where I'd last made love to the man whose absence was turning out to be 'way more than I could handle.

I don't even know how to describe the kind of lovemaking we got into trying to help each other stop hurting so bad. I just wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and stare at the ring he'd put on my finger in the car just before we left the house.

Put it on that third finger on my left hand. Same ring everybody was all mad about over there in Korea, the one his mother bought and he gave to me.

He did it like his mother was watching. Like he was calling on her to watch over me while he was gone. And like he was spitting in the faces of all those damned people who were trying so hard to take him down.

He slid it onto my finger and then kissed and rubbed that hand. And I threw my arms around him like I was trying to save myself from drowning in quicksand or something.

Which is exactly how I felt.

So once I got home from the airstrip I kept watching the video of the little song with Lulu in it. He wanted to post it as a "teaser," on social. On his own, to test the water, he said.

The production crew had worked with AJ a lot, so I cooked like it was one of our family gatherings. And they gobbled it up like they hadn't eaten in weeks.

They understood the assignment, too. Shot him strolling down a deserted two-lane by The Quarters. And sitting in the crotch of one of the big old cottonwood trees by the creek.

It was meant to look like a video you'd send to friends back home while you were out on a road trip. Discovering America the way he'd hoped to. Only there was this sick dance break in the middle--they'd turned it into a bop instead of a ballad. Killer R & B joint.

It was called "Golden Girl." And at first, I thought he meant Lulu. Until I read the description that explained how Lulu's voice was meant to be the voice of this girl he had a thing for back in elementary school.

So, it was a song for me. About me. Us. Chorus was: "Her eyes, like gold they shine/Forever on my mind."

"Loud and proud," he'd said. And there it was, just like he promised.

Of course, it would be just another love song to most people.

And it hit a million views in only a few hours. The comments were so cute and caring and concerned.