As Long As I Breathe || Paul Atreides

Never Lose Me

Paul stood over the grave of the first man he ever killed, Jamis. Visions of death and destruction flooded his eyes, and he couldn't figure out whether these visions happened if he went down south or if he stayed up north. It scared him, so he spoke to a dead body for guidance.

Normally he'd turn to Ellie, but not tonight. Not after he destroyed one of the few good things in his life. He was  surprised he hadn't gotten that nickname revoked. For now, at least.

What the hell was he doing? He needed to fight for this, he couldn't just sit back and let her be so clearly distraught by this. His whole life he had witnessed his parents go back and forth between yearning for marriage and thanking God for the lack of. This led him to vow he would never do this to a girl he liked, let alone a girl he loved. He wasn't going to put Ellie through this, she didn't deserve it.

"Talk to me, Jamis," he pleaded, seated on his knees as he traced the carvings on Jamis' gravestone, "Tell me what to do."

A sharp intake of breath followed that plea. As if playing a movie on a tape, moving pictures were imprinted under his eyelids, displaying Ellie.

He knew he needed to be with her. Whether it's his own personal desire or Jamis' will, he needed to make it up to her, even if it meant going down south. Whispers of a promise were heard in his ears. Something telling him that, if he wanted to solve his visions, he needed to drink the Water of Life.

And he needed to do it with Ellie.

***
This time, it was him peeling open the seal of my tent, poking his head through; yet my face didn't brighten like his did that day. But I still dropped what I was doing to hear what he had to say as he crawled his way inside.

I think he was waiting for me to say something, but instead, I sat back, giving him the floor to speak.

"I just wanted to start by saying I'm sorry."

"I know you areâ€""

"I'm going south."

And just like that, my expectations have been successfully proven wrong (except this is the first time where I'm happy about it.)

I grinned. "Are you serious?"

"Yes," he answered, reciprocating the smile. "I am."

I hugged him so tightly that I was questioning his ability to breathe. But I didn't want to simply hug him, I wanted to kiss him so badly. Any knot in my stomach was detangled as being here with my arms wrapped around him was all I ever wanted.

"Thank you," I said. I reluctantly pulled away as if the embrace lasted any longer he would've had to be the one pushing me away. "This means so damn much to me."

"I'm sorry. I was just truly scared." He moved a strand of hair behind my ear. "But I think I know what to do."

Not hide away in the north, hopefully.

"I think we need to take the Water of Life. Together."

Fireworks exploded in my stomach. "I had the same vision."

His eyes lit up but quickly dimmed and he asked, "But wouldn't it kill us? Men aren't supposed to drink it and you don't know how to dilute poison to that extent."

"I think I'm supposed to drink your tears or something. It sounds weird, I know. But a droplet of your tear will help me live and then, when I wake up, I'm supposed to give you another droplet of the Water of Life. That will save your life."

"And if it doesn't?"

"We either live in confusion or die trying to understand." I didn't know why but I found that quite comedic. "Is that not the whole conflict of life?"