Dream comes to terms with his sexuality.
Slight trigger warning for sexual coercion! It's not explicitly said but it's definitely implied. Stay safe!! <3
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From the time he hit puberty, Dream knew that something was.. Off. He stopped finding the sex jokes his friends made funny. In fact, he started feeling more uncomfortable around the topic of sex than he thought he was before.
He didn't know why. It never used to be that big of a problem to him. He wasn't sure exactly what was wrong with him. But he knew it was something he had to keep hidden.
His friends started saying grotesque things about the girls in their grade. And whenever he tried to say something about it, he'd be shunned, the boys joking about how his dick must be broken if he didn't get it. But Dream didn't understand. Shouldn't they just love the girls they found attractive instead of pointing out everything they found 'hot'?
It drove a lot of his friends away from him. Except for Sapnap. Because he never said anything. He couldn't risk losing Sapnap too, he had to keep his secret to himself.
But it got harder as he got older. He felt like he couldn't date people. He didn't want to be called gross or broken.
When Sapnap got to Florida, he looked at Dream in ways he couldn't wrap his head around. Their friends would tease Sapnap about his "crush". Was that what it was?
Eventually, Sapnap confessed to him. It was hushed, in their kitchen late at night. Dream was grabbing water from the fridge and Sapnap was just- Right there when he turned around, arms tucked up to his chest and a guilty feeling on his face.
It scared Dream. Sapnap couldn't like him like that! He knows how much Sapnap is interested in sex. And that just.. Wouldn't work for the two of them.
The last time he even tried to have sex could still work its ways into his nightmares.
Dream remembered what his ex had told him when he first started crying. How cruel she had been. She called him disgusting, weird, dramatic. Everything bad that Dream could imagine, it came out of her mouth that night.
She spewed filth as Dream sobbed into his hands, his ex was still trying to work his pants off his legs. She wouldn't stop. Something in her mind had convinced her that if Dream just tried it, he wouldn't feel so put off and revolted.
It took Dream shouting a wish to break up for her to finally get it through her thick skull that he really didn't want to have sex with her.
She left, truly left, and Dream couldn't have been happier. But it quickly made him realize that the possibility of him ever having sex was completely eliminated at that point. He thought maybe he could bear it if it was with someone he sincerely loved, but he ended up hurt anyway. He always did.
So Sapnap attempted to shift his views.
He showed Dream that he deserved the same love he put out into the world.
He was so scared.
But looking at Sapnap standing in front of him now, in his oversized hoodie and stupid hat, Dream felt it. Sapnap returned the love Dream gave him. He never let him down.
Dream was enamored.
"I- I don't want you to be mad at me. And if you don't feel the same we can just forget I ever said anything 'cause-"
"I like you too. I think."
"You think?"
"I don't... Know. It's- It's hard for me to tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings sometimes." Dream shoved his hands in the pockets of his pajama pants. He needed to ground himself, his heart was beating too fast.
"That's okay. How 'bout we, like, try it out?"
"'Try it out'? What, like, a test run?"
"Sure. We can- We can date, and you can see if your feelings are more clear then."
He hadn't been with anyone since- Well, since his ex. It made him nervous, but he could trust Sapnap, couldn't he?
"Yeah, I like- I like that idea." Sapnap grabbed his hand and pressed a gentle kiss to a freckle on his knuckle.
"Okay, Dreamy. Wanna go to your room?" Dream felt his stomach churn and pulled his hand away.
"I don't want to have sex." Don't tell him that! He'll take everything back! His voice was shaky and upset. Sapnap's eyes immediately widened.
"Oh god, that's not what I was trying to hint at! Fuck, sorry, I meant we should just cuddle, like we always do. You can pick the movie." Oh.
"That- That sounds nice."
Sapnap offered a hand to Dream and it was nervously accepted. Sapnap was careful with him, leading him slowly to the comfort of his room.
He told Dream to choose a movie on his ipad while he fixed the blankets on the bed. Dream complained about there being nothing to watch before choosing a Pixar movie he knew would put the two of them to sleep quickly.
The bed was still warm as they settled back down. Sapnap was used to this from how many nights they've spent together. Only, the previous nights had the connotation of just a friend to them. It felt different this time.
They gravitated toward each other immediately, both getting into the routine of their cuddling sessions–Sapnap's head on Dream's shoulder and a hand on his stomach where his shirt always seemed to ride up.
Dream's entire body was stiff, not as receiving as usual. He kept his eyes trained on the movie as Sapnap stared up at him.
Sapnap internally begged Dream to just let him inside his mind, let him help.
He traced along the scar on Dream's belly with his thumb.
"Are you okay? You've gotten so tense since the word sex was even mentioned. I'm not, like, trying to pry. Just wanna check in."
"I- I don't- I'm not- Um.." Breathe. "I'm kinda, like, dis- Disgusted at the thought of sex? I'm not exactly sure what it is. I- I know Karl's talked about it but he- We're not the complete same 'cause he's not disgusted like I am. He's- He's actually been able to have sex."
"So you're ace? That's what I'm gathering from that."
"Is that- Is that what it's called?"
"Yeah! Er, asexual, but that's what I've heard others call it."
"Huh." Dream stared up at the ceiling. Asexual. He took the word, turned it over a few times in his brain, examining it, seeing if it felt fitting. It sounded right to him. "I never really knew what to call it. I- I always thought I was weird. Putting a name to it feels... Good."
"I'm glad. If that's the label you wanna go with, I support you. I'm so proud of you, Dreamy." Sapnap pushed himself upwards on the bed so he could be eye level with Dream.
"So you won't, like, expect me to ever- Ever have sex with you?"
"I would never expect sex from you! Even if you weren't asexual, it's not what a loving relationship should be like."
"And that- That means we're okay, right?"
"Yeah, Dream, we're okay." He caressed Dream's face in his hand, scratching at his beard.
"Can I kiss you? If- If you're alright with that." Dream's cheeks flushed a light pink, and he nodded, trying not to smile as Sapnap pressed a sweet kiss to his lips. He wrapped his arms around Sapnap's neck and clung to him, his overwhelming feelings making him teary eyed.
"I love you. I- I love you so much, Nick."
