you.

Avoidance

I wake up the next morning like every other, workout, eat, get dressed and then normally I head to the office but today was Jessies game. So instead I made phone calls and emailed a few people back and also texted Alexia back telling her I would love to go to some award show with her. 

I know I need to get myself back out there and no time like the present.

After all that I turn off my notifications and call my best best best friend Alex. She is my rock, my twin flame, my platonic soulmate, the maid of honour at my wedding and she has a back of always knowing what to do.

As the phone rings I think about what time it is In Canada, either the middle of the night or very early in the morning. I also think about me and Ales friendship. We met through soccer we we were probably eight, but we didn't get onto the same team till we were thirteen. I quit at fifteen while she kept playing. She was the second person I ever came out to. She pushed me to create Y.O.U. and follow my dreams. We never went to the same school, and I haven't lived in the same country as her since I was twenty two, and haven't lived in the same province since we were eighteen. She knows absolutely everything about me. Stuff I have never told anyone else about ever, not Ana or Jess or my parents no one. She's the only person who knew how bad my first relationship truly was, she was the one who got me out. She's helped me up when I was down, I have done everything to make her proud since that day. To show her that I'm okay and I will never let that happen to me again. 

I was the one that flew home during exam week when her boyfriend of two years dumped her, I was the one who got her out of her depression. I was the one who told her to get help with her eating disorder, I was the only person she ever listened to. I was the one who told her she needed to put herself back out there. She was the only person I told that I didn't actually love Eli. That girl knows everything about me.

this bitch is taking a long ass time to answer.

"Whore what the fuck do you want" she answers groaning through the phone "its the fucking ass crack of dawn here you insensitive twat."

"Ale you are not British you are not aloud to say twat" I say looking at my very sleepy friend on the screen. Her face breaks into a grin. I know exactly what she's going to do before she does it.

"TwAT tWaT tWAT Twat TWat twAT" she says thinking she's funny. Her smile quickly fades when she remembers what time it is there. "What do you want Shaw I was sleeping before you rudely awakened me from my beauty sleep" god she's a brat

"Im getting ready for Jessies game." I say smiling at her. "And I'm going on a date thing" I say the second statement slightly quieter but she fully understands me.

"YOUR GOING ON A DATE? WITH WHO?" she asks sitting up like a bomb out of a cannon.

"Alexia Putellas" I say

"Like the really hot spanish girl that's been trying to get in your pants since you moved to the same hemisphere as her?" She asks "What the fuck is a hemisphere?" she asks like I know the fucking answer.

"Girl I have no idea." I say honestly. "And I don't think you could have put that more crudely. but yes that's Alexia" she nods her head up and down in understanding

"I don't know how I feel about her having almost the exact same name as me" she says scowling. "But on a serious note Abs please try and not self sabotage, I know Jules hurt you like no one has before and Eli definitely did not help, but not everyone is like them okay. You need to let yourself be loved. and not just platonically." my best friend speaks the truth. I know I have to let someone love me. I know I do. But it's so so hard. 

"I'll try" I answer honestly. "I don't know if a girl who lives so far away is going to be the one though." she smiles in understanding. I have always loved how understanding this girl is.