LET ME LOVE YOU - an imagine me au

ERASE ME

We arrived in Oceania a week ago.

I haven't seen Ella yet, my father won't let me leave his sight.

It's early in the morning, my father is asleep. I woke around an hour ago, I can't stop thinking about her, her long silky hair, the sweet smell of her skin, her beautiful eyes. I miss her.

I miss holding her in my arms, I miss kissing her good morning, I miss the way she blushes, I miss everything.

God why did I have to be so stupid?

I gave up everything for some childhood dream, and in return its turned into a nightmare. 

I don't know what happened to Kenji, I haven't seen him since my father interrogated him.

Nazeera is here, I saw her for a brief moment yesterday, I was going to talk to her but my father dragged me away before I could say anything. I know she's tried to contact me several times but she always ends up getting intercepted by our parents.

The other Supreme kids are here too, although I haven't had any chance to interact with any of them.

I'm sitting in my room alone, when my father has something to do he locks me in here, leaving me with nothing but my thoughts.

I find an old notebook and pen in the cabinet, it reminds me of when Ella was in the asylum. I begin to write in the notebook, perhaps it'll make me feel closer to her.

 And I do. I do wonder, I think about it all the time. What it would be like to kill myself. Because I never really know, I still can't tell the difference, I'm never quite certain whether or not I'm  actually alive. I sit here every single day. Run, I said to myself. Run until you lungs collapse, until the wind whips and snaps at your tattered clothes, until you're a blur that blends into the background.  Run, Warner, run faster , run until your bones break and your shins split and your muscles atrophy and your heart dies because it was aways too big for your chest and it beat too fast for too long and you run. Run run run until you can't hear their feet behind you. Run until they drop their fists and their shouts dissolve in the air. Run with your eyes open and your mouth shut and dam the river rushing up behind your eyes. Run, Warner. Run until you drop dead. Make sure your heart stops before they ever reach you. Before they ever touch you.

Run, I said.

I still remember every word of her journal, every thought, every poem, every story, every single word. I think about those entries every day, how her words haunted my mind for weeks. How she and I were more alike than I could have ever thought.

I miss my simulation chambers sometimes, I miss having the option to experience death, I think if I had the opportunity, I would shoot myself right in the heart.

I would shoot myself where no matter how fast they came, or what healing powers they had I would die anyways.

I think about death quite often, It's an old friend of mine. No matter where I am death will always be an option, a backup plan.

I wish my father would come in and put a bullet through my skull

I get up from my chair, I return the notebook back to where it had originally been.

I take a seat by the window sill, It's bolted shut but I still enjoy the view.

It's raining outside.

Tiny droplets trail down the window I watch them as they slide down the glass, I wish I was a raindrop.