With the First Drop of Rain | Aslaz

All that matters

A man on horseback was flying through the forest at the speed of the wind. Sweat drops dotted his forehead, his hands bled from gripping the horse's reins, and his entire body ached from hours of riding. But he didn't dare take a break to rest his tired body and mind. Every second was valuable.

He couldn't be late. He couldn't fail her.

Her face came to his mind.

He was ready to die for every strand of her hair; he would sacrifice the whole world just to ensure that the spark in her eyes would not be dimmed. He was even afraid to touch her, worried that his rough hands would leave stains on her delicate skin.

And now she was alone, surrounded by a group of dirty jackals, while he was still far away from her. The mere thought of what they could be doing to her made his blood run cold. He feared that this dirty world would break her.

But he didn't have the right to dwell on such thoughts. He needed to be faster. He needed to arrive on time.

She was strong, his rebel girl...

***

April 2021

"Asi... Asi..." The murmurs of a young man sleeping on the sofa echoed through the empty office.

In his sleep, man's head moved from side to side. Suddenly, his eyes opened wide, but he couldn't move his body. Paralyzed by sleep, he took deep breaths, trying to control his breathing. It took him minutes to understand where he was.

The gray walls and black leather sofa looked familiar to him. The place reminded him of his old office, the one he quit after losing his last hope for...

Asi

Her name thundered in his head. He remembered standing near her grave, blaming himself for being alive. Can a person blame himself for living or for breathing? The guilt gnawed at him every waking moment, a relentless reminder of his failure. He wasn't there to hold her hand, to comfort her, to fight alongside her. Instead, he ran, hiding from his own fears and insecurities. He was not only a failure but a coward, and the weight of that truth was crushing.

At that moment, standing alone in the cemetery, he was ready to give everything just to see her once again, even from afar, even if that smile was intended for another man.

Tears flowed from his eyes, his paralyzed body shaking with sobs. He would give everything so she could live. He wished he had died instead of her.

DEAD

But he was already dead himself. Memories came to him one by one. The dream, the cliff, the truck coming straight at him. He remembered lying in the crushed car, a piece of metal stuck near his heart. He remembered the warmth of his own blood and his blurred vision. He remembered a bystander's terrified voice shouting for help and calling an ambulance.

He was sure he heard the man say that the driver didn't get much of a blow and was breathing. He was so happy and relieved to hear that Faruk was alive. He had married only a year ago, his son was taking his first steps, and he couldn't bear the thought of Faruk dying because of him. Faruk had a family.

His mind went to his own family. He felt sad for them. He was sorry that Ruya, his little sister, would be left alone. He was sorry that his mother would feel the loss of a son once again and that his grandfather would be shattered.

If only they knew that Alaz was happy for himself. Finally, that pain would be gone, that loneliness would be gone, that longing would be gone. Maybe, if the heavens pitied him, he would see her once again, just a small glance...