I Hosted Parties and Starved my Body

Chapter 1-- The Tortured Poets Department

Friday April 19th, 2024

It was 4:00 AM when Kat woke up to the sound of music. She guessed it was that album her girlfriend, Mae had been super excited about dropping this morning. Ugh. She had barely gotten 4 hours of sleep.

She rolled over to face Mae's back, hugging her from behind. Mae was quite a bit taller than Kat, granted, almost everyone was. 

"You shit talked me under the table" Geez, whatever this album was sounded depressing as hell. She recalled Mae saying it was Taylor Swift.

"Cause I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my shit. They said baby gotta fake it till you make it and I did. Lights, camera, bitch, smile." Yep, depressing as hell. Depressing and sadly relatable. Kat knew that feeling all too well, her mother had made her play at clubs even if she was sick, or sad, or just didn't want to. 

The worst was when she was pregnant, having to be on stage, up there without alcohol, was rough. Not to mention the part where she wanted none of this. If she'd wanted to perform music, she'd release her own album.

The next song started with a sigh, "Was any of it true? Gazing at me starry eyed, in your Jehovah's Witness suit? Who the FUCK was that guy?" Why was this music so sad? It was pretty and she couldn't deny Taylor had a great voice, but damn, it was rough.

She rolled over to check what song it was, the title was "The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived". But more intriguing to Kat was the woman on the cover, she swore she'd met that woman before. It had been at a party about 5 years ago, for an album launch. 

Had she gone to her girlfriends favorite artist album launch party 5 years ago? Had she?

" And I don't even want you back, I just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal. I don't miss what we had, but can someone give a message to The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived?" She could feel the anger in Taylor's voice so much that she had to pause. From the slight build in the music she has heard, she guessed the bridge was soon. And with a song this emotional, the bridge had to be amazing. She unpaused the song.

"WERE YOU SENT BY SOMEONE WHO WANTED ME DEAD? DID YOU SLEEP WITH A GUN UNDERNEATH OUR BED? WERE YOU WRITING A BOOK? WERE YOU A SLEEPER CELL SPY? IN 50 YEARS WILL ALL THIS BE DECLASSIFIED?" She had to pause, or else she would break. She sounded so angry, so wronged, so sad, and it was something Kat knew all too well.

"And you'll confess why you did it, and I'll say 'good riddance' cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden. I WOULD'VE DIED FOR YOUR SINS, INSTEAD I JUST DIED INSIDE. AND YOU DESERVE PRISON BUT YOU WON'T GET TIME" Kat could feel the tears forming in her eyes and it took every ounce of her being to not scream and wake up her family.

"You'll slide into inboxes and slip through the bars, you crashed my party and your rental car. You said normal girls were boring, but you were gone by the morning. You kicked out the stage lights, but you're still performing. And in plain sight you hid, but you are what you did, I'll forget you but I'll never forgive, The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived" Kat just was crying at this point. Why? Why did this song seem so real to her? It somehow felt like she could've written this song.

Wasn't Taylor Swift a pop artist? Why did this feel so real? She remembered resenting Taylor because of how much she had to sing "Shake it Off" or "22" or "You Belong With Me." And know the artist had made her cry because of how real her music felt. She felt Mae stir, as the next song, titled "Clara Bow" started.

"Oh, baby..." Mae whispered, leaning against her, clearly noticing that Kat was crying. "The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived?" She asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.