fusion in love | jongsan

VIII

"being in love is tiring."

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jongho

it's been an entire week since san was admitted to the hospital. it was a rainy friday and i was on my way to the hospital to visit san after school like i always did, but because of the rain the buses were delayed. i had bought san some kimchi fried rice since he isn't a big fan of the food at the hospital and always waits for me to bring him food. my bus finally came and i sat down after paying the fare. the air conditioning and the rainy weather fit well with each other and i stared out the window.

i reached the hospital a few minutes later and got down from the bus, i looked at the building that was just a few steps from the bus stop. unsheltered. unfortunately for me, i was only wearing a tshirt and jeans. i sighed and ran. i ran without looking and eventually ended up in the hospital, the air conditioning immediately freezing me. i shivered and walked to san's room after confirming with the receptionist that i was there to visit him. i knocked twice before entering, seeing him looking at his phone. he looked up and gasped upon seeing me.

"jjong! you're wet! did you run in the rain?" he asked concerned.

i just laughed and placed his food on the table beside his bed.

"it's just a little rain, i'll be fine." i said.

"you'll get sick bear, you should wear my extra clothes seonghwa brought for me yesterday. there's pants and a hoodie in the bag." he said, pointing to the bag on the sofa across the room.

i was about to refuse when i shivered again. okay maybe i should go change. i nodded and took out a pair of long pants and a hoodie, i went to the bathroom and changed. when i got back, san looked at me and chuckled.

"my clothes look so big on you" he commented.

i rolled my eyes at him and placed my wet clothes aside, i'll wash them when i get back home. i passed san his food and he immediately started eating, not before thanking me though. we talked as usual, i always told him things that happened in school.

"and then she pulled her hair!" i exclaimed.

san laughed, his eyes turning into crescents. i smiled, his laugh was like music to my ears. i loved when his eyes turned into crescents whenever he smiled and when his dimples would appear. it made me love him more than i already do. i've had a crush on this guy for god knows how long and all this while i've always seen him surrounded with this dark aura and always thought he was nothing but trouble. but who would've known he had a bright personality?

"jjong?" san called out.

"h-huh?" i stuttered.

"you were staring again."

i turned away from him, trying to hide my blushing face. i admit, i was staring at him more often these days and he always notices and points it out. he just laughed and continued eating his food.

"so.. when will you be discharged?" i asked.

"tomorrow, i'll probably return to school on monday but i can't do anything physical yet for another two weeks." he replied.

"great, so i don't want you getting into anymore fights."

he just chuckled and i stared at him seriously.

"i'm serious san."

"okay, okay. no more fights."

i nodded and we decided to talk some more before i decided to head home. i did have some assignments to finish and a hospital room isn't my type of place to be doing homework. i packed my things and managed to find a plastic bag big enough to put my wet clothes inside. i bid my goodbyes to san and left.

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san

as soon as jongho left, a wave of loneliness came to me immediately. i have to admit, i liked jongho's presence. and i liked him. in fact, i loved him. there was just something about him that always made me feel special, made me feel like i was on top of the world and that this entire "being a gangster" and "getting into fights" thing is all bullshit. the only reason i got involved in such things was because i was lonely and i was filled with hatred and revenge. although i had my friends and they do make me happy but, those feelings never seemed to go away. but with jongho.. i could just go on with how much he makes me happy and how much i appreciate him for coming into my life and never left since then.

i touched my face, god this is stupid. i was crying. crying over jongho. i was frustrated. i love him, but i just can't seem to bring myself to tell him. i didn't know what was stopping me, was it because i was a guy who liked a guy? was it because i'm known to be too cold hearted to even fall in love? or was it because i was such a jerk to everyone that jongho only sees me as a friend and nothing past that? i didn't know.

i just sighed and decided that i should just take a nap and get my mind off of everything. i laid down and closed my eyes, letting out a long sigh. being in love is tiring.

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jongho

i reached home and immediately laid down on my couch. i smiled as san came into my mind. i love him even more now that i got to know more about him, i got to know him way past his "gangster" and "cold hearted" attitude. i love him even more now that i know he's just a guy with a good heart whose heart was used and stomped on like it was a piece of trash. i just love him even more now that i know he's the total opposite of what i used to think of him.

i wanted to tell him, i wanted to tell him that i loved him so much and that i hoped i'd be the one for him. heck, i wanted to scream that in his face. i wanted to let him know that i love him and that i would never use his heart instead i'd like to fix it. but i didn't know. why would he date me? i'm a nerd. i don't know how to dress, i don't know how to go out and have fun, i don't even know when i should leave my room most of the time. so why would he date me? i just sighed and closed my eyes, my head hurt thinking about all of this. i let out a long sigh as i got comfortable on my couch. i needed a nap. being in love is tiring.