𝙿𝙸𝙶𝙶𝚈𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺 | 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀

for my ex best friend.

for my ex best friend.

there's something I wanted you to
know for a while now.
the things you said to me,
the way that you treated me..
sometimes it hurt a little too much.

I thought that I deserved it because
of all of my self hatred and fear growing up,
but now I realize I deserved way more.
but you never gave that to me.

I write this to say my final words
to the person you used to be.
to the best friend who helped me
get through school without losing
every piece of life left in me.

you used to be the key to my heart
when I tried hiding it away from the world.
you opened me up to new views that
friends come and go but I will always
have someone who likes me for me.

that made me afraid of losing you
because I felt like you were all I had. 
but I realize now that you were apart of
the reason why I only had you.
because you needed a backup option.
I was stupid to think you cared for me first.

I would be selfish if I said that
you were always all that bad.
you saved my life and I am forever grateful.
you helped me find the love of my life
and I thank you especially.

I always felt like you were my family.
you were the only person who knew
every single thing about me.
so I apologize if this hurts you
just as much as it's hurting me.

it hurts me to say this is the end, but
I know it would hurt more if I let you in again.
we are different people now and it would take
me a really long time to trust you again.
I don't have that time for you anymore.
I am focusing on myself now and what I need.

and for the questions you say are unanswered.
I was tired of losing,
tired of being the last option..
I was tired of being overlooked.

I may not be the best at communicating, but
I tried to give you my voice again.
I tried so hard to let you know
you were hurting me.
and you never listened.

I may not be perfect.
far from it, in fact.
but I never gave up on you.
I always had your back no matter what,
even when I probably shouldn't have.
I felt guilty for doing bad things for you.
but I still did them.
I don't regret anything that
I have done for you either.
my only regret is letting you walk all over me.

ten years of our lives, and now
I'm closing the story of us.
for what it's worth,
I love every memory we share together.

for all the gifts I gave you,
the long hugs to comfort me when I cried.
for all the silly photos I will take to my grave,
to the school days where we would talk about
anything and everything.

I will always remember that
we were both children struggling.
you never meant to hurt me, but I
still need to say goodbye.
I'm ready to start a new chapter,
with new beginnings.

maybe someday we can be friends again.
someday when you find yourself as well.
someday when I'm done healing.
someday when you find new friends to remind
you that I'm not the only one who will stick around.
I just don't think that is today.

so yeah, we were best friends.
for all it's worth, I missed you since you left.
I will always love you, even if it hurts.
but right now I can't let those feelings
drag me into a dark place again.
I wish you the best.

your ex best friend.