oleander ; kanamafu

oleander

''i'm so gross...'' mafuyu sobbed, pulling down his sleeve so to hide the scars on his wrist. that day was a warm one, but he didn't care. he refused to being seen like that, especially by his mother.

the urge to create more lines on his body was slowly starting to get him; but he promised. he promised to himself, he promised to niigo. he took a deep breath, gulped down his saliva. his throat tightened, and it hurt. it felt sore but instead of grabbing a glass of water, mafuyu proceeded with his morning routine, slowly brushing his teeth.

he didn't like to watch his reflection in the mirror, so he stuck his eyes to the sink. trying to avoid those thoughts throbbing in his head, he rinsed his mouth and spat the mint toothpast, rinsing again. he then washed his face and cleaned up.

once out of the bathroom, he walked to his bedroom so he could grab his schoolbag. he fixed his hair a bit and his school uniform, trying not to seem any more than a mess. putting on the usual fake happy attitude, he greeted his mother and went straight to school.

when lessons were finally over, mafuyu grabbed his bag, smiled at his classmates and teachers and immediately walked home. his parents were at work, he didn't have to worry about them, so he stopped pretending.

he sighed, closing the door of his room. he layed on his bed, eyes watching the ceiling above his head. the darkess hugged him tight, like a comfy blanket, but he felt suffocating at the same time.

he started sweating, not knowing why. gulping down, he stood up to turn on the light, then sitting again, on the cold floor.

shaking as if he was freezing but sweating from the hot temperature of the day. his head felt light while his chest kept tightening, and it hurt. grasping for air, he had no idea on what to do. he was so confused, why did he start acting like that all of a sudden?

he took off his sweatshirt, feeling the chilly air against his warm body. he went back on his bed, curling himself up. a few tears started to wet his cheeks, while staring at the scars on his arms, caressing them.

he felt the urge to mark himself even more but he felt too exhausted. school was stressing him, his mother... well let's rather not talk about her. he was struggling to make new music and started withdrawing a bit from niigo, needing some time alone. crying tired him out and soon he fell asleep, too worn out to even think to cover himself up, in case his mother would return home.

when he wakes up, he finds himself in a different place from where he was before, his bedroom.

''could this be... empty sekai?'' he whispered to himself. he slowly grabbed his phone, noticing the song ''untitled'' playing. yep, he totally was in the empty sekai.

suddenly, he freaked out. he didn't have his sweatshirt with him, so anyone from niigo could've seen his body. he started to shake, anxiety slowly killing him from the inside. he felt stupid.

"...mafuyu?" a voice called his name from behind him.

in a first moment, he froze. he was scared of being seen, but he almost instantly recognised that voice, and slowly turned back. "kanade...?"

kanade slowly approached him.

''what are you doing here?'' mafuyu asked, placing one hand on top of his own shoulder.

they shrugged. ''wanted a quiet place to get some inspiration for a few songs and i came here.'' a pause. ''what about you?''

''i... actually don't know. i feel asleep and i guess i might've accidentally played the 'untitled' song.'' kanade nodded.

soon enough, the space between them became even more silent than possible. mafuyu didn't know what to say, he was feeling embarassed and ashamed of himself; kanade kept their eyes on their bandmate, with their usual neutral expression on their face.