His Royal Sweet Tooth

Chapter 5

Nicholas POV

“So, Nicholas, how was your week?” My therapist, Samantha asked, as I stared at the vase in front of me.

“You've been quiet our last two sessions, that's not like you.”

“There's nothing much to say, it's been an uneventful week.” I simply say, avoiding her eyes to focus on something else, outside of her window.

It was raining in London today, and as I watched everybody go on with their everyday tasks, holding umbrellas to shield themselves from the rain, I couldn't help but wonder about him.

Everything reminded me of him, even the rain.

“Your Majesty.” Samatha shifts in her seat opposite me, as I slowly shift my eyes from the rain to her.

“Nicholas.” She corrected herself. “We've talked about how destructive it is to blame yourself for things you cannot control, and now Charlie is no different, things are just out of our control and we must learn certain tricks to help us see that.”

Out of our control? 

I couldn't help but snort out loud. “I had control, but then my father died and then I took the role on.”

“What do you expect of me to do?” I crossed my arms, the rain hitting hard against the window beside me. 

“First is the people, second is the country and lastly is tradition, these are the words every King and Queen has lived and breathed as sovereign, tell me, where in that does it say ‘you get to be happy’?”

“Control over my own life was all I had, but without happiness, I am the definition of destructive.” 

Samatha simply studies me before writing something down in her pad, then she places it down onto the coffee table that was placed between us.

“Have you ever thought of how Charlie must feel, when he told you, ‘he was never yours’?” She asks, as my jaw tightens.

“Of-course I had.” I said. “But once it clicked that we had both slept with someone else during our time apart-”

I shut my mouth look back outside of the window, and then sigh. “It just all happened so fast.”

“Nobody tells you how swiftly things change once you're KIng, and how hard the job can be."

"I didn't want to make another person, someone I loved life just as hard as mine.”

Samatha was silent for a moment, but then the timer on her desk went off, meaning that our hour together had come to an end.

I get up and button up my blazer, and prepare to leave and head back, so I could get into a fresh change of clothes, so that I could drive to my sisters, for our dinner together.

“Nicholas.” Samatha stands up with me and walks over to me as I head over to the door.

“During our time together, you have told me multiple times how you feel regret for things that have happened, or will happen, but I just hope you know that you have one of the most difficult jobs in the world.” She told me, a smile on her face as I looked at her confused.

“Every job you have, you deserve some happiness, otherwise what's all of it for?”

“The people, country and tradition are wonderful values to uphold, but you were told wrong.” She tells me, handing me my umbrella beside the door.

“Happiness is the only thing that matters, above all, your own life is a journey, not a destination.”

*****

I had spent the remainder of the day at my home in the country, out of the city and away from all the noise and disturbances.

Lately, the only enjoyment I got from my day was seeing my nieces, the way they simply go about their lives like nothing mattered, just now.

I had thought about my conversation with Samantha for the entire day and whilst her methods in trying to figure me out are brazen, I couldn't dismiss the fact that she might be onto something.

My entire life I had been told what to do, and when to do it, and if something never went as it should, I was expected to find a solution, which in the end would always make me feel miserable.

I couldn't fix everything, I couldn't please my father, as hard as I tried, I couldn't be the perfect heir.

Perhaps I did blame myself for how things turned out? Not just with Charlie, but with my mother, and Henry.

So far I had kept it down, hidden away in a lockbox somewhere in my heart, but the more I thought of that night, showing up at Charlie's apartment, I couldn't think of anything else.

I should've tried harder to keep him close, to think of my own happiness, rather than something I was expected to do.

Happiness is the only thing that matters, huh?

My father would've loved Samantha and would have loved to argue against her words.

As I lay here, the old antique clock ticking away in the corner of my room, without any other sound, I felt that same emptiness I felt when Charlie told me to leave.

It was stupid of me to show up at his place like that and with him of all people.

I never should've slept with him, and I had no excuse for what I did. 

After all, I was committed to Charlie, with the hope that one day he'd stand by my side, proudly, as my partner in front of the country I loved.

Loneliness is a pain nobody knows how to get rid of, even if it is a journey, it's still one I struggle to achieve, even if I think I'm happy most days, I still question myself.

I haven't been happy since that week, laying around together, hours of endless talking, taking strolls outside, and then spending the rest of our time in bed.

Charlie made me happy, I was sure of that, if I had him I would surely achieve happiness, and the rest would be behind me.

Seeing him after six months felt like a dream I had dreamt of countless times, and when I saw his name on TV, and then his face, smiling, laughing and being an overall wonderful, amazing person, I knew I had made a mistake.

I should've never sent him in that car, that day, but instead pulled him out of that car and dragged him with me, and pleaded with him, on hands and knees if I had to, to never leave my side.

I was a fool, thinking I could have it all, whilst protecting him, while I'm like this, a complete mess.

Charlie thinks this was the end, but to me, the end was just another road that I knew would lead me back to him.

It didn't matter how much Charlie hated me, or how much I hated myself, I was not ashamed to admit that I was selfishly still deeply, and madly in love with Charlie Thornfill.

Reaching for my phone on the bedside table, I sit up and find Charlie's name in my inbox and then start to smile as I type.

Charlie doesn't know just how pushy, and stubborn I can be, especially when it comes to what I want.

I know I'll never deserve him, I'm an addict, and I'm constantly fighting with myself with my addictions, but one thing I knew for sure was that none of the other things mattered, if I had Charlie, he would be the only high I ever needed.

Me: It's not over.

I send the text and then put my phone back and lay back down, close my eyes and listen to the sound of the clock.

First thing tomorrow I'm putting myself first, and my happiness, something I should've done a long time ago.

I wasn't going to give up on this, never again on what my heart was telling me, and what it was telling me now was that I had him, and he had me, forever.

Charlie just didn't know it yet, but he would.