To You Who Held My Heart

Chapter 1 (Part 3)

A bitter laugh bubbles up from within, and I wipe at my eyes, smearing my mascara. The words I had written only a couple weeks ago flash in my mind.

These past three years have been my happiest

But you were hurting silently, and I was unaware

Unaware of all the struggles and the pain

All the draining days that you pushed through

I thought I made you feel the way you make me feel

But I don't, everything was just an obligation for you

I don't regret these months spent together

These memories were real and will be cherished

But your pain filled words have tainted them

Forever to be questioned, my heart perished

I miss you more than ever, my mind in mayhem

We were never meant to last, I guess

Two kids who tried their best, only to die, more or less

We had just broken up when I wrote that, but now it feels like an eternity ago. We've only been apart for a month, but I know it's only the start of forever. As soon as he brought up the topic, he and I both knew we'd never see each other again.

My mind wanders to him and what he could be doing right now, but I hurriedly try to focus on something else. I pick up my phone, remembering the notification from earlier.

A text from my older sister lights up my screen, nagging me about classes. She's been living on her own for two years now, and I miss having her home. Texts like these always make me smile, 'cause I know it's her way of making sure I'm doing alright. I shoot her a quick reply that "I'm still figuring it out" and decide to go on a run.

I have a love-hate relationship with running. In middle school, I was required to participate in track and discovered something that stops all other thoughts and clears a person's head: long-distance running. I don't run 5-6 miles like some dedicated athletes, just 1-2 miles a day if I can make time for it.

Changing into a baggy shirt and leggings, I tie my running shoes' laces and head out the door.

I warm up while music plays in my ears. Soon, everything fades away. All my thoughts are consumed by the sound of my feet hitting the pavement, birds chirping, the songs in my playlist, and cars passing by.