Salted Wounds

Flashbacks

Cruising down the beachside in the twinkie, John B was dropping me off at the country club. I hated working there. Money was tight and the country club was the last place I wanted to be at. My eyes shifted out the window towards the sea. The waves crashing gently against the shore; the sun began to set on the horizon. I found myself lost in a daze, deep in thought. The tranquil scenery blending with my contemplations created a serene yet introspective drive. The feeling of being lost and hopeless, my mind drifted towards the night my father had been arrested. I wanted nothing more than to erase it from my past, but somehow it seemed to haunt me. I  watched the ripples closely as we moved, like the waves were aching for me, reaching out with a longing you can almost touch. The vastness of the ocean mirroring the depth of emotions within, a sense of yearning and uncertainty blending with the rhythmic crash of the waves against the shore. I want nothing more than to be out in the water, washing the pain away. It's a poignant moment, where nature's beauty reflects the turmoil within. Being with my friends was great and all, but my life was falling apart and I didn't want to drag them down with me.

As I gaze out at the vast expanse of the ocean, my mind drifts back to that fateful fight, the memories haunting like shadows in the dark. "And you take it all for granted, ALL OF IT!" tears fight for dominance as I shove them back from falling. "Dad, stop, I'm sorry. Please stop." I whimpered, pain flowing through my body. "You're a slut, you know that." pain radiated my body from impact, causing a momentary daze.The waves crashing against the shore seem to echo the turmoil within me. In that moment, all I long for is to escape the pain, to let the ocean's embrace wash away the hurt and provide solace from the storm raging in my damn mind. The ocean, with its endless horizon, calls to her, offering a temporary refuge from the harsh realities she faces.

Another moment passes, and I was sucked back into reality. The country club comes into view. The anticipation kills me. Wanting nothing more than to go home and tear every wall down until there is nothing left to call an infuriating place "home." The van comes to a halt and reality hits me like a brick wall, realizing I must cater to rich snobs for twelve hours. "Thank you again for taking me to work, JB. I promise it won't be for much longer, just until I can get the parts for my car." Getting the courage to walk in takes a minute. "No worries. Blake, you are family. We do what we need to for family. I am happy to take you anywhere." He smiles, wanting to speak more but deciding against it. I lean back, reaching for Kie and JJ. "You guys be safe. Tonights the last kegger before the storm shuts the town down." Kie winks her eye while JJ rolls his eyes in response. He is never the one to be safe. I should expect that from him at this point. I walk inside the double doors, clocking in and wrapping the apron around my waist. Dreading the interactions I must make. Money is good here. I should appreciate it, but man it is so hard to be nice lately. My temper is short and my fuse is on the verge of going off. I make my way to the bar, taking orders and making drinks. In my element behind the bar, my mood seemed to lighten. My back turned to grab the ice. I hear a voice, "Pogues work here now? Oh wait, just the ones with a great ass." Laughs emerge low as the group sits at the bar. I turn around deadpanning the boy. "I'm sorry, what was that, Rafe? Daddy doesn't pay attention to you, so you look for it at the bar while you attempt to get hammered? See, I know I'm not that smart right? For being lower class and going to a public school and all, but I know desperate when I see it." The boys beside him stop laughing in pure shock, Rafe on the other hand growing irritated. "Funny and feisty, my favorite. Tell me now, are you like this to all your customers or just the ones who are as handsome as me?" His ego makes me want to puke. I lower my eyes sighing, "just you." he smirks. "Really?" He ask's. "No. Just the ones who are arrogant assholes, thinking cat calling and staring at my body gets you a free pass. My bar, my choice to serve you. You want feisty. I'll show you just how funny it will be." His mouth formed into a line. Defeated and without a drink, my favorite. I finish making my drink for my favorite regular before getting cut off by the local new station broadcast. Everyone pauses their conversations. I look up at the screen to the left of me, "Lisa. hey turn that up." A picture of me displays as the news continues. "Breaking News: The attack of local 18-year-old Blake Arabella  Dawson in her south side home who was shot and almost beaten to death. Father Ray Dawson was now being charged with attempted murder and multiple accounts of child abuse charges. Trial awaits to go to court after attempted murder of his daughter- Hurricane warning now enforcing an immediate lock down protocol. Anyone and everyone should seek shelter in their homes starting at 7pm tonight." I mentally sigh at the sight of me being on the news. All eyes are turned towards me behind the counter and I mentally face-palm myself. Whispers from all over caught my attention. "She probably deserved it." "That poor girl, how horrible." "you just flirted with a pogue bro-" I ignore the side comments and finish my shift. The constant stare hitting my back, noticing Rafe has yet to leave the bar. Wiping down the last table, I am so ready to go home. "So that's why you have bruises all over." I tense at the words. "I'm not gonna try anything, don't worry. I ain't here to fight, just curious." I turn around, annoyed. "Curious about what exactly, Rafe? What do you want?" Moving past him to grab my things, I hear footsteps behind me. "I don't want anything from you," he scoffed, growing annoyed as well. I walk to the parking lot hoping to see the twinkie. "Blake, stop. I am just curious to know." "know what!" I raise my voice. This is the longest conversation we have had in a year. I'm growing tired of this. "Don't for a second think a pogue is gonna talk to me like that. God, you are obnoxious." I stand there grinning. I don't care who I speak to in an aggressive tone. Respect for men has gone out the window recently. I cross my arms, waiting for him to speak. "Did he really shoot you? The news said sigh, " I know what the news said." His head drops low, shifting his weight. Where is John B? "Where?" he asks. Rolling my eyes, I motion to my lower stomach. And with that, the twinkie emerges from behind, a low sound of his horn joints be to reality. "Good night Rafe. there's a hurricane, don't die. Or do I dont really give a flying fuck."

Grabbing her board and stripping down to my bikini, my body relaxes in a heartbeat. A mix of fear and exhilaration courses through my veins. The turbulent sea mirrors the turmoil in my heart, each wave a reflection of the chaos within. The salty spray stings her skin, blending with tears of both joy and sorrow. Surfing the surge was a release I cannot comprehend. The thought of successfully riding the treacherous wave, or being trapped and held under, either way it was a rush of adrenaline. And a challenge that could end my suffering was pure bliss. In the midst of the roaring storm, I find a strange sense of peace, a connection to the raw power of nature that matches the intensity of emotions. The crashing waves become a symphony of release, each crest and trough carrying away a piece of the built up pain. Every rise and fall of the ocean feels like a dance. The wind howls like a symphony of chaos, blending with the crashing waves to create a cacophony of sound that both overwhelms and invigorates my senses. The salty mist hangs heavy in the air, a bittersweet reminder of the intertwined beauty and pain of the moment. My body groans in pain, but I need to feel it. I need the pain to be present, nothing feels better than the self infliction.