My book of arbitrary feelings with no real evidence to back it up

More feelings

Not long after my recent chapter, in these me car I remembered something that always throws my heart in a spiral. A while ago the girl I'm in love with said something to me. She called me two things and it haunts me. She said sorry after but never took it back. She said I was: 1, a fuckboy, and 2, unemotional and cold at times. Now only one of these made me upset to the point of rage induced beating up of my punching bag. Because the term fuckboy is the farthest thing from me there is. A fuckboy plays with a girls emotions in intention of sexual rewards and drops leaves them broken hearted when their done. The girl I had been dating, we had to break up because of her mom. Now I loved her, not completely as I was still in love with previously mentioned girl, and was upset. And we were caught kissing at our crazy christian school, who notified our parents. Long story short I was not allowed to communicate with her ever again, per my mom and her mom. My mom didn't care that I was dating, she was pissed that I had bee rude to the principal, who I told that I was not fond of earlier. This was why she said I couldn't see her. Soon after I broke up for the last time, I got over her. And I realized I had been in love with the other girl the entire time. I know, rude. I was a dick. Falling in love, while being in love with a girl who was dating your best friend. By now we know each other quite well,(insert preferred pronoun here, i.e. Mr/mrs) reader. You'd know that my emotions were complicated, and not cold at all. When she called me cold that hurt me. I am not cold. I am however, a person with sociopathic tendencies. I generally hate everyone until they give me a reason to not hate them. Then she called me the very bane of my existence. A fuckboy. I am a feminist, so this angered me like nothing before. As well as put me in a slight depression. I have a tendency for whenever someone I love says something that hurts to get suicidal, and want to start cutting. I never do, but the blade has came oh so close to that bare skin of mine. This is the effect of her words. My heart in tatters, my mind unsure of what my heart is doing, and my heart yelling at my mind. Well this is all my mind needs to say right now. I'm sorry for these words, there points that are lost in the many typos a moving car would give you. And I say to you now to know, don't worry about me. I'm a human. I'll forget these feeling eventually.