Hellfire 𖤓 Sirius Black

i. Hogwarts' Resident Mop

"Will you mention my abs during the match, love?" Sirius Orion Black — the ultimate annoyance plaguing Rosalie's already tiring life — asks, using love in the most sarcastic venomous tone that she's heard in her whole life. "Obviously, I'm the most amazing Beater that's ever been on any Quidditch team —"

"I don't have time for this, Black."

Scowling, Rosalie shoulders her bookbag, ready to whack him. Why must he annoy her like this, especially when her mood swings — due to her stupid period that started this morning — are on the rise? It's different when she annoys him, because he deserves it. She does not need his frustrating presence.

(No one does, to be honest.)

The stupid "abs thing" started way back in second year — after Rosalie and Sirius began to hate each other — when Sirius was trying to impress Mary Macdonald, claiming he had abs. Ever since Rosalie expressed her immediate disgust — for both him and his non-existent abs — he'd taken it upon himself to impose the idea that he does, in fact, have abs. Which he doesn't. Rosalie is sure of it.

The dunderhead does it just to piss her off, by asking her to mention it in the next Quidditch match — due to her position as the new Quidditch commentator this year — and asking her to parade the lie around to her single friends. She never does, of course, but it only makes his presence more irritating.

It's quite obvious that he does, in fact, set her off — but that's because he exists in the first place. Sirius Black was birthed by the blood supremacist of a mother just to pester and annoy her. Granted, she does the same, but it's different when she does it. It's warranted.

When Rosalie and Sirius "talk" (a loose word for their constant arguments), their exchanges turn into feverish retorts of childish — and yet, hurtful — insults that could last for hours. It's never more than that, never physical, and never angry enough for violence.

Still, Rosalie means every word she says to him, and she's sure that he does the same, except for when he's flirting. It's more like taunts disguised as flirtation, but ever since Rosalie blushed at one of Sirius's horrifying pick-up lines in her third year, he's been pissing her off with randomly inserted flirtatious lines, knowing that she'll snap at him. If he's anyone else, Rosalie would tell him to get therapy.

Actually, she'll still tell Sirius to get therapy.

He may be hot, but that's the only redeemable thing about him. And Rosalie's on the fence about that, because Sirius knows his attractiveness, and he's downright cocky about it.

"Can you move, Black?" Rosalie continues, her right eye twitching. She's usually not this blunt, but Sirius brings the worst out of her. "I need to, you know, walk into the classroom. To learn. Which is why I'm in this damn school."

"So eloquent, Edson." Sirius smirks at Rosalie's annoyance, because he's an idiotic demon that loves watching her suffer. "No wonder Minnie made you the Quidditch commentator this year."

With him, Rosalie's backlogged every single retort and every single possible thing that he could insult her with. She's not as prepared with anyone else, but with Sirius, she can insult him on anything.

"Same for you," she says coolly. "I bet the sight of your face scares the Bludgers away. No wonder you're the beater of the Gryffindor team."

"And I bet your grating voice will make all of our ears bleed." His smirk widens at Rosalie's bristle. "The mention of my abs will certainly ease the pain. It's why I'm doing this service — for Hogwarts. Don't be selfish, Edson."

Rosalie rolls her eyes. "I think the mention'll make it worse. I don't want Professor McGonagall to get mad that I'm spreading lies."

Sirius narrows his eyes, opening his mouth to spurt some sort of dramatic, offended drivel — but Rosalie cuts him off.