The Allure of Love

Chapter 19

Anastasia couldn't shake a building sense of dread as she made her way down the bustling streets of downtown, weaving between throngs of Central State alumni spilling out of chic cocktail bars and tapas lounges. The festive Homecoming atmosphere pulsed through the brisk evening air in currents of laughter, jaunty music, and spirited conversation amongst old classmates reconnecting.

But none of the effervescent energy and camaraderie seemed to touch Anastasia tonight. Her heart felt leaden in her chest, each step towards the impending reunion gala at the swanky Belvedere Hotel ballroom filling her with rising waves of trepidation. After that charged moment with Chris back at the Alpha Sig Sig house, she had begged off exploring the rest of campus with flimsy excuses of reunion committee duties to attend to.

In truth, she simply couldn't bear to spend another second suffocating under the weight of their unspoken history, to feel his searching gaze boring into her periphery as though silently beseeching her to acknowledge the unfinished business still crackling between them. Every interaction, each loaded glance or pregnant pause, threatened to unravel Anastasia's painstakingly crafted composure thread by thread.

Adjusting the plunging neckline of her peacock-blue cocktail dress, Anastasia tried to summon a surge of fortitude. She knew the Homecoming soirée would be a gauntlet – an unavoidable collision of her past and present lives crammed under one roof in a potent cocktail of alcohol and nostalgia. All of her old friends and acquaintances would be gathered there, eager to swap tales of post-graduation triumphs and inspect her shiny new life under a microscope.

Most daunting of all, she would have to face Chris, Jack, and the rest of their motley crew again after her sudden disappearance earlier. No doubt Sam would be chomping at the bit to deliver a few choice barbs about her flighty coping mechanisms and obvious avoidance of emotionally raw subject matter. Guilt and irritation prickled under her skin in equal measure.

She should be stronger than this – more resilient, unflappable, and impervious to the temptation to rehash ancient history better left in the rearview. So what if a few unwelcome flutters of yearning and wistfulness blindsided her today? It didn't change anything in the grand scheme. She had chosen Jack, had built an entire identity around their glamorous expat lifestyle of spontaneity and rich experiences. One weekend reliving the tattered remnants of a long-extinguished wish fulfillment with Chris couldn't hold a candle to the depth and passion of what she had now.

And yet...Anastasia couldn't deny a rebellious corner of her heart still grieved for those tender, golden "what-if" memories, the connection and stability he had represented in the face of all her ferocious independence. It was as if her past and present selves were constantly at war, the confident world-conquering maven grappling with vestiges of that shy, bookish girl silently pining for her best friend's affections.

She resolutely ignored the traitorous voice whispering how Chris would have gladly been her date tonight, hovering attentively at her elbow as he made effortless rounds charming all her old sorority sisters and classmates. He would have known exactly when she needed rescuing from a particularly long-winded braggart or cringeworthy introduction, would have kept her glass discreetly topped off while peppering her ear with precious inside jokes to sustain her social stamina through the night...

Mercifully, Anastasia was saved from tumbling any further down that agonizing rabbit hole as the gleaming facade of the Belvedere finally loomed into view. Freshly polished to an inch of its Beaux-Arts splendor, the historic hotel positively glittered under the glowing streetlamps and flickering candles illuminating the entryway.  As she ascended the wide marble steps, the soaring arched doorways thrown open to beckon guests into the opulence within, Anastasia had to admit a tiny thrill of anticipation zinged through her beneath the dread.