The Future, the Past and the Ugly (Untrusted Love: Electric Boogaloo)

Ch 5. Dissociate

Sorry for the delay

!TW!

- Self harm (only in the first paragraph)

———

Mono examined his hand. He couldn't remember the last time he'd looked at it. Had his skin always been that colour? A disgusting in-between of blue and grey? Wasn't it more greenish yellow, like that of a decomposing body? He didn't know. His nails were much longer now, forming into sharp talons like she had. Mono didn't recall her name, some days he struggled to remember his. He closed his fingers into his palm. Applying a small amount of force, the skin went white and Mono felt nothing. He plunged his nails into his skin and the warm blood stained his fingers. Mono watched as the red spilled from his hand and down his arm. The feeling of stinging was a welcome feeling, almost reviving but Mono knew it wouldn't last. The blood would dry, the skin would scab. Still the beautiful red was truly a wonderful sight to behold.

/ / /

Mono's skinny body sat still. It had been a long time since it was warm. There was a single mysterious light source above him and it provided no warmth to his body.

Mono guessed it had been months since he fell. His hair would tickle his nose, fingernails were long and unruly and his skin was dull. On the bright side, if you could call it that, his clothes and hair were only damp instead of their usual permanently drenched. The kind of damp that grew mould.

The highs he got from feeling pain and seeing the blood stopped. As did the habit. There was no use of it if Mono couldn't benefit from it.

Mono had mostly figured out The Loop. He suspected that the previous him, and possibly himself currently, gave into this madness; turning into a monster. If he wasn't careful, that would be his fate. Mono promised himself he would not allow himself to become that, no matter how vulnerable or alone he felt.

His throat was sore. Raspy and dry and Mono doubted if he'd be able to ever use it again. The last thing he'd said was to the voices, he couldn't recall what but Mono wasn't sure he wanted to.

His skeletal frame made his clothes hang loosely around him. Mono refused to think of standing up, his weak, tightly wrapped skin would surely break if he tried to move. His brittle bones would crunch and grind into dust amongst his joints, he knew they would. Yet, Mono still couldn't fight the stupid thought that told him to go open the door. Every time he did think that, the voices screamed at him. Not even he could ignore them when they were loud enough to burst his sensitive and vulnerable eardrums.

/ / / 

A glimmer of something caught his eye. He wasn't sure what it looked like, or its colour but something moved. Mono looked up but there was nothing there. I'm seeing things now, too, Mono thought bitterly. Convinced his mind was playing tricks on him, Mono continued to sulk.

It was at the second time something slipped past his peripherals that Mono's head darted around him. Maybe it wasn't a trick?

"Ignore that" the voices commanded. Mono didn't want to listen. A newfound hope bubbled up in his chest. His inquisitive spark flickered within him.

"Stop!" They demanded. Mono knew the screaming would start soon. Another flicker drew his gaze to the left before something else moved at his right. Mono felt tears fill his eyes, destroying the dreadful dry feeling that had long overcome them. Was this real?

"Listen to us!"

"Do as you're told!"

"Stay where you are!". Mono tried to ignore them but found it difficult. He shifted his focus to the flickers, movements and whatever else caught his attention.

"You're so stupid!"

"You ugly little freak!"

"Nobody cares about you!" The voices took a nasty turn. Mono admitted he'd heard worse before but having it repeatedly ring through his ears and into his head was painful.

Mono wanted to get up. He wanted to find what he was seeing. Every inch of his body twitched, eager to move. Starting slowly, Mono moved his arms to his sides and rested his hands against the edge of the seat to support him and his eventual descent. The screaming begun. Mono cringed at the sound, wishing it would stop but unwilling to cease himself. Next Mono slid his body forwards to the edge. His body did in fact crunch loudly and his bones felt as if they were grinding against each other but that didn't deter the boy. The screaming got louder in his mind but Mono didn't care, he needed to do this. Straightening his gangly legs out, the tips of his toes nearly reached the floor. Doubt creeped into his mind. Mono hesitated. Did he really want to do this? He climbed back onto the chair a bit. Fear and adrenaline suddenly welcomed him as he recalled all the terrible things that had happened to him since sitting on that wooden chair. Mono jumped the final gap and his body hit the floor.

He did it!