𝗔𝗹𝗲𝘅𝗶𝘁𝗵𝘆𝗺𝗶𝗮 - TMR AU, Minho.

10 - 𝚁𝚎𝚍 𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚜

✦•┈๑⋯⋅𝓜𝓲𝓵𝓪⋯⋅๑┈•✦

Weeks had passed without a single message from him.
That's good, right?

Every day was still the same though.
Same fear that he would text me any minute, same fear that he would hurt my loved ones.

Sleeping got harder, and with that, staying awake got harder too.

I didn't want to see him in my dreams, and sometimes he wasn't there, but Newt was. Unconscious.

Sometimes my dad was there. Breaking everything in my room, yelling horrible things at me. things I can't forget.
Then it would switch up to the morning, where he would apologize with tears in his eyes, already sober.

Sleeping was never peaceful for me, even without him in my life. At least for as long as I can remember, I've been sleeping with pills.
But now pills are not helping either.

It felt like I was losing my mind.

Voices are getting louder, but I can't turn it off this time.

"Mila!" I heard Newt's voice and looked up. "I've been calling your name for the last three minutes, you alright?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You've been acting strange. Listen if you want to talk-"
"Newt, I'm okay." I cut him off and smiled. "Really, I'm just tired, that's all."

"That's why I'm concerned, Mila. It's nine in the morning!" He kneeled in front of me. "Have you been sleeping?" Frown formed on his face. "Like, at all?"

"Of course I've been sleeping." I scoff. "Why wouldn't I sleep? I love sleeping!" He looked at me, concerned.
It almost looked like he was trying to study my expression, so he'd know if I was lying or not.

"Alright then. I won't force you to tell me things, but you'll have to tell me someday."
He got up and went back to his friends, who were setting up guitars for tonight.

It's not like I don't want to tell him the truth. I don't like hiding things, especially from Newt.
But he's just so happy and I don't want to ruin it.

I can't ruin it, that would be selfish.
Right?

He's been struggling for his whole life, and now that he finally found a sparkle he lost, I can't take it away.
I have no right to do that.

"Here." Minho gives me coffee. "That'll help with this tiredness of yours, which is clearly not from lack of sleep." Sarcastic asshole.

"Thanks."
"Wow, you really are tired." He sits in front of me. "Are you sure you didn't hit your head somewhere?"
"Get to your point." I look up at him.
"You weren't mean. You simply thanked me." He smiled. "No longer mad?"

"Little gratitude doesn't mean anything, Minho." I take a sip. "And I told you I'm not mad. I don't care anymore."
"You are mad. Admit it so we can talk it out!" He threw his hands in the air.

"If you won't shut up i will break this glass, then pick up a big and sharp part of it and-" he cuts me off.
"Okay, okay! You've made yourself clear, darling. You want me to shut up." His eyes twinkled.

I showed him my middle finger since I had absolutely no energy to continue talking, and continued drinking my coffee.

I thought he would just leave and annoy someone else, but he stayed.

"I wish you stayed when i needed you to." I mumbled, then immediately regretted it.
"I had my reasons Mila."

"I know. Scholarship, right?" I looked at him and took a sharp breath. "You could've told me. I wouldn't force you to stay, you know?"
"I'm sorry about that." He looked down.

"You know, I still don't get why you lied to Newt that we were still talking." I scoffed. It sounded so stupid.

"Maybe I'll tell you someday."
"Alright then. Until that day comes, try to keep yourself away from me." Another sharp breath.

He nods, but still didn't got up.

"Didn't you hear what i just said?"
"I did. I won't talk to you, unless you will, but I'm not leaving you either. Not again." He looked at me. I could tell his eyes were filled with guilt and.. sadness?

And just like that, he stayed there the whole evening. Didn't leave my sight, but didn't talk to me either.

It felt weird, finally having him by my side. I wanted to tell him everything, so maybe he would understand why I couldn't forgive him.

Or maybe, I just wanted to get it all out. To talk to someone about everything that has been slowly destroying me.

"What's that?" He motioned at the blood on my shirt. FUCK.
"You said you wouldn't talk." I tried to avoid talking to him and got up.

"I did say that, yes." His Adam apple moved. "But there's blood on your shirt Mila. And unless you had something red to drink and spilled it on your sleeve, I'm sure it's blood!" He got up too.

"Listen here, It's just a stain and I don't need you to act all concerned and caring for me, alright?! I think you're getting too comfortable around me lately, and I can assure you that I still hate you. I feel pure hate towards you, nothing else! So try talking to someone who actually likes you, got it?!" I finished screaming at him and ran to the bathroom.

I was praying that Newt didn't hear a single word I said.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I felt guilty about acting up with Minho but if he knew about all this, he would definitely think that I'm pathetic.
And weak.

I rolled up my sleeve and saw that some cuts were still bleeding.

This time, all of this definitely was to hurt myself.

I needed to harm myself, more than anyone has ever harmed me, so I could forget the pain they caused, and focus on the pain I caused.

And what's the point of stopping anyway? I'm already ruined. It's not like I'm ruining something pure, right?

Everything is already ruined.
I can't change that.

Sooo what do y'all think about this? Hope it's not too cringy))

Mila needs to stop hating on Minho tbh.

Alright, take care!!☆