⚠️ !! Mention of suicide !! ⚠️
I will remember that night forever. The rose. The umbrella. Her.
That late July night, the clouds rambling over and the blue raindrops messing my perfectly styled hair, and my stylish some thousands of dollars suit that was now fully drenched, an outcome of the thundering pouring.
As I stood there, overlooking the deep dark blue waters beneath me over the other side of the railing, I gulped.
‘What will it feel like to be gulped down in those blue waves?’
‘Will I feel at ease, at comfort, once my body digs itself in the depth of that ocean?’
‘Will I finally be able to feel the warmth inside me subside and submerge in the clear blue color, ripping me off of these thought, this fucking dismantled life?’
Maybe yes. Yes. Definitely yes.
It might all end once I end up in that ocean, once I drown myself deep inside those dark blue walls that will envelope my body, ripping it off of every warmth, every thought, every life, giving me just the relief I have always desired. Finally, I might be able to END IT ALL AT ONCE.
The agony. The suffering. The huge crack that made me feel like this in the first place.
My whole fuckingly miserable life.
I gulped down the huge lump of fear in my throat, finally confirming my decision to end my own life. I take a step towards the railing of the bridge, slowly I smile and climbed up on the metal railing, sitting on it as I overlooked the ocean which would engulf my body in few seconds.
But just as I was about to withdraw my body weight from the metal beneath my hips, I heard her sweet voice.
‘Overlooking the beautiful ocean, ARE WE?’
I did not find her voice sweet at that moment. It was more of an annoyance at that fucking moment to me.
‘Overlooking the beautiful ocean, ARE WE?’
I didn’t respond. I knew it was a female voice without even looking, the only thing I didn’t knew, was that, that same voice would become my obsession over the next decade.
I overlooked the ocean as she held her umbrella over the both of us while leaning over to my side, with her hands on the same railing I was sitting on. When I didn’t respond, she started speaking again.
I never liked when humans talked, and when I say never the same follows even after a decade, but for the first time I thought of listening to someone, a stranger on a rainy July night, who maybe, I thought would be the last person I would ever listen to, SO BE IT.
‘The blue waters are so calming and electrifying, right?’
‘Such a beautiful rainy day, the cold wind and the blue sea. So perfect!’
She found a ‘gloomy-perfect-for-me-to-end-my-life-day’ perfect?
‘Sometimes. I feel like days like these should be often, the beautiful rain and the perfect weather, and overlooking the ocean from a high bridge with a beautiful stranger.’
Beautiful stranger – never in my 23 years of life had anyone described me that way. I was called cold, monster, disappointment, dangerous, sick at heart and just anything that never slightly resembled to the word she described me as, “beautiful”.
Maybe if she knew just how much of a monster I was on the inside she wouldn’t have said that, but I didn’t want her to know. Not when I was gonna end my life today.
‘This night is so perfect, perfect enough to maybe drown yourself in those waters down there, suffocate for few minutes and then just leave, isn’t it?’
She knew, she just knew why I was there. Why I was on the railing overlooking that ocean and why I was bothered by her interruption. And still, she interrupted.
She held my hand, her hands were over mine, cold, colder than mine and shivering from cold but still she didn’t budge. She stood there with me in that cold night, when she should have ran home and cover herself in heaps of blankets with a heater turned on. But here she was, in the rain, beside me, with me.
‘It’s not worth it !’, she whispered, as she tightened her grip on my hand. ‘Don’t do it. It’s not worth your life.’
‘You don’t know whether it is worth it or not!’ I spoke to her for the first time.
‘I know, trust me when I say, it’s not. Whatever it is, it isn’t worth sacrificing your life for.’ I could hear the unexpressed pain in her voice, beneath those encouraging words was a past experience, a wound maybe ?
‘How would you know?’
‘I just do, because…. I just do !’
I laughed, I laughed hard at her silly words, at her sympathy, at her trying to change my mind.
She handed me something, a soft red thing, a flower maybe, a rose at that. RED. The red rose.
‘Think about it once more, giving life a single last try, a last try until…until all the petals of this rose dry down. Yes, just until then. Please….’
I looked down at the rose. The beautiful red rose. How long will it take for every single petal of this living thing to dry up? I was curious. Too curious. She made me curious, her words did.
And just with that curiousity.
Just with that simple sentence, she was able to change my mind, my purpose, my everything. And just with the next breeze, my mind was changed, and she was gone, with her two belongings left with me. The umbrella and the rose.
The blue umbrella lighter than the ocean beneath me,
And..
The red rose darker than my heart ever was..
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The Red Rose
Romance"Think about it once more, giving life a single last try, a last try until....until all the petals of this rose dry down. Yes, just until then. Please...." With those words, and hope tied to a red rose that she handed me, she vanished. Somewhere int...
