Incinerate Me

39| Roxine

I was at the window staring down at the woman who made and tore me apart. I couldn't do anything but truly say goodbye and let her go. She deserved all the best.

She turned and lifted her gaze. It took everything in me to stay rooted in the same spot. I wished I could ran down the stairs and go back into her arms but I couldn't do it.

I regret so many things in my life but Lana Rhoades, my favorite caregiver showed me what it was like living a life I never thought I believed in. I didn't think I'd go on dates , show my pain and weakness to someone, be heartbroken and feel so worthless without her presence. She made it look much less terrible.

Our gazes locked for what felt like an eternity until I did what was needed. I turned and took three steps, away from her gaze. I was still holding on and would forever hold on to her.

Lana was my redemption, my liberation from a life not worth living.

My hands balled into fists as a lone tear cascaded down my right cheek. I hissed at the sensation. I brought my hand against my lips and sobbed.

I turned and there she was no longer looking at me but her back facing me. She dragged her suitcase, going through the main gates.

All hope wasn't lost yet but ,

The very moment she got into a taxi, my heart tore into pieces.

I lost balance and crashed my knees against the hard floor. A pained breath escaped my lips, as more tears dripped down the face. It was itchy but that pain wasn't compared to the one inside. It felt like my heart was being torn out of my body.

The silence was thick. I collapsed on the cold floor, tears ran down the sides of my face. I stared at the ceiling, allowing myself to fully embrace the pain of loss, of heartbreak, of love for the last time because after this I wasnt going to allow myself feel anything.

I took it all, everything that came with our separation. The good and bad. All of it. My body shook from indescribable pain.

I shut my eyes and allowed the memories we shared lure me to sleep. I was exhausted and heartbroken. How worse could it get?.

When I woke up, the house was still as empty before she left. I sniffled and headed downstairs. I got myself a glass of cold water from the fridge and sat at the counter in the kitchen.

I stared into nothing as I took slow, calculated sips of the water. I took slow breaths and lifted my gaze.

I was surprised to find my brother, Lachlan staring at me questionably.

I smiled sadly and shrugged painfully,

" I let her go."

I broke down once more. I hadn't cried this much in my life.

I had given that woman all of me. All of my heart, everything.

She had it all with her.

And I had nothing left.

THE END...