The Three Little Doxies

Once upon a time, there were three sisters. Their names were Callipygia, Callistithia, and Callimounia. They were known far and wide as The Three Disgraces. They were the daughters of Horace and Alva Throttlebottom, of the Winterset Throttlebottoms who dwelt near Ass-Toot Faeire Barrow by Throbbing Knob in northeastern Winterset. Despite their family's ancient and venerable respectability, the three sisters were known throughout the land for their rapacious venereal appetites. Their exploits were the stuff of legend.

Now, you might think that this would be a cause for scandal upon the Throttlebottom name, and the little village of Throbbing Knob. On the contrary, The Three Disgraces and their amorous adventures were celebrated throughout the county. There was even a pub in town named for them, their silhouettes adorning the overhanging sign. Countless visitors passed through the town to hear of their enterprising deeds, and even, were it possible, to catch even a glimpse of the three beauties. And for the right amount of coin, a young gentleman or lady might even be afforded the privilege of one or more of the Throttlebottom girls' company for the evening.

One day, their parents, Horace and Alva, said to them, "My dears, your fame and your appetites are far too large to sustain in such a poor little village as ours. Look you; it is now high time for you three to go forth and seek your fortunes in the wide world."

And so, Callipygia, Callistithia, and Callimounia packed their intimate apparel, their intimate devices, their intimate libraries, and their intimate servants, donned their intimate traveling gear, bade their farewells to their parents, and the local townsfolk, and set off for greener pastures to mow.

Now, when the sisters departed, after a truly memorable banquet that lasted for several days (and time enough after that to rest and recover), there was a certain young gentleman, one Briggs Badwulff, who was a genuine lord, distantly related to Baron Wasteland of Whitepool, who espied the girls as they took their journey, quitting Throbbing Knob for whatever lay ahead. Of the many callers to their residences and haunts of their former home, Lord Badwulff was one of the very few who had failed over the years to secure even the briefest of audiences, even once, with any of the Three Disgraces. And so, he determined to discreetly follow them, until he could discover where they intended to establish themselves so that he could call upon them in order that he haply might enjoy their famed hospitality.

The ladies traveled for many weeks, relying upon the kindnesses of strangers, whom they considered to be merely paramours they had not yet met, 'stranger' being such a cold and unfriendly word. They wandered through fields and over mountains. Along the way, they met a man who was selling reeds and straw.

"These reeds would be wonderful for making furniture, and this straw would make wonderful thatching," said Callipygia. "Will you sell us some?"

"For one hour of your agreeable company," said the man, "I will sell you all that I have!"

And so, they acquired reeds and straw.

The three sisters traveled yet further. They forded rivers and passed through forests. Along the way, they met a man who was selling beams and planks of cedar.

"These planks and beams would be wonderful for making the frame of a house, its floors, and its walls," said Callistithia. "Will you sell us some?"

"For one hour of your congenial company," said the man, "I will sell you all that I have!"

And so, they acquired much wood, and beams and planks.

The Three Disgraceful Ones traveled yet further. They passed villages and hamlets and walked the wide dusty roads. Almong the way, they met a man who was selling bricks and slate and mortar.