My little devil

we can be terrified together

Numb.

That's the only word Lisa could think of to describe what she was feeling.

There was an emptiness in her body, a hollow in her soul; her bones felt brittle and overused and she could barely make it out of bed this morning.

It's been one week since she last saw Rosé. One week since they last spoke.

Rosé had tried contacting Lisa multiple times. The blonde had sent messages and left voicemails. The voicemails were all the same: Rosé apologizing and asking Lisa to call her back. And the texts were a reiteration of that.

Lisa wanted to pick up the phone. She wanted to apologize. She wanted to show up at Rosé's doorstep with a ridiculous amount of flowers and donuts from the diner that Rosé loved so much. Lisa wanted to tell Rosé that she hadn't done anything wrong. It was Lisa who had fucked up. It was Lisa who had been out of line.

But Lisa wasn't strong enough to face Rosé without falling apart. She knew, that as soon as she saw Rosé, she'd beg for forgiveness. And even though Rosé deserved an apology, Lisa thought it best to stay away. Rosé was better off without her.

Lisa blocked Rosé's number and made a decision.

If she got away for a while, it wouldn't hurt as much. Maybe Rosé would forget about her and move on. At least that's what she thought. So she booked a flight to go stay at her father's ranch; the very place where she grew up. She booked it because she needed the escape. She booked it, because for the first time since she'd moved to New York, the city was starting to suffocate her. She couldn't stand to breathe in the city air; not when she knew that somewhere in the city, the girl she loved was breathing the same air.

New York City felt like Rosé's embrace and Lisa couldn't bear it.

So here she was at the airport, watching lovers say goodbye, and all Lisa could do was stare emotionlessly.

The numbness was better than pain, she thought.

Lisa had only told one person where she was going-Jisoo. And though her friend hadn't been too happy about Lisa's decision, she told her to do whatever she needed to do.

The flight dragged on for longer than Lisa expected. Probably because Lisa couldn't sleep through it, which is what she normally did when she flew-she hated airplanes.

When she landed, she had two text messages waiting for her. They were from Alice. She wanted to talk.

Lisa wasn't going to call Alice.

She put her phone away and went through the airport arrival process, then she climbed into the car that waited for her and headed to the ranch. When she got to the house, she headed straight to her bedroom and placed her phone on the nightstand, took a long and scalding shower, and decided to skip dinner and just go to bed.

Lisa wasn't going to call Alice.

But it was nearly midnight and she was restless. She couldn't sleep. All she could think about was Rosé. What if something happened to her? That's probably why Alice texted. It must have been an emergency, she told herself.

So she caved and she called Alice.

"Lisa. Thank you for calling." Alice answered on the third ring; her tone of voice was all business, her emotions indecipherable over the phone.

Lisa didn't speak.

"Rosé has been worried sick about you. She's been trying to reach you, but it goes straight to voicemail"-

"I blocked her number," Lisa said matter-of-fact, cutting Alice's sentence short.

"Wow... what are we in high school? Jesus, Lisa. You're a grown woman. You can't just run away from this."