Don't Matter

  "I'm sorry."

    "Baby, I'm sorry."

    "I'm sorry, I won't do it again. I just got mad, Nicole. I promise."

    "It was an accident,  I'm sorry."

    "Nicki! Please come back. I'm sorry. I can't live with out you. You are my life, my world, my soul. I love you. Please come home."

 

    Michael had  a different excuse every time he hit me. I would come back and believe he was sorry. Michael would always do something to make me fall in love with him all over again.  Our relationship started eight years ago . He was 15 and I was 14. We broke up countless number of times between then and now, but every time was for the same reason. The same thing he did all those times in the past, he just did now. I stare at his blue eyes, the same blue eyes that I fell in love with.  I can tell what he's about to say even before the words come out of his mouth.

    "Nicole, I'm so-."

   "No,Michael. I don't want to hear it anymore. I'm tired of your excuses! I'm sick of lying to my friends and family! I've  been nothing but good and faithful to you but how do you return my love? With bruises, broken bones, and bloody body parts! I can't take this anymore. I'm done with this. I'm done with you."

  "Come on, Nicole. You're being ridiculous! I'm sorry.  I don't think I hit you that bad. It probably doesn't even hurt . You're just overreacting."

  "My heart hurts,Michael. I don't want this anymore. I'm leaving for good."

    I looked at him before walking up the stairs. He didn't say anything,he barely even breathed. I began going upstairs to get some of my things.

 "Nicki. . . " I heard him barely whisper.

  "Leave me alone."  He followed me into the bedroom that was once ours.

   "I'm sorry." His voice cracked as he apologized for what felt like the thousandth time.

   "It doesn't count anymore."

   Michael was roaming around like a lost puppy as I gathered my things. I love him but this relationship can't go on any longer. It hurts too much. I've been physically and emotionally hurt. I packed my bags and started out the door. I waited to see if he would say anything but he didn't. The hardest thing to do was to say goodbye.

  "Goodbye, Michael."

  "I love you, Nicki."  I heard him say as I got inside the car. I didn't dare look back or out the mirrors.

  

It'll be better like this. This is what I want. I keep telling myself.

His apologies don't matter anymore.