Life's a bitch {stony}

9

He turned off the light in the hallway before going to the room that was his, and as soon as he entered he felt that feeling of absence that he felt every time he entered the room since he and Tony had officially divorced. Steve tried to ignore that feeling like he did every time he felt it, and changed into some pajamas, then lay on the bed and sighed while he looked at the empty space next to him. He ran his hand over the covers on Tony's side of the bed, and imagined the handsome billionaire there, smiling at him and then curling up with him and holding each other as they fell asleep,while the next morning he will wake up to see his husband no exhusband's abs and body.

It had been Tony who asked for a break,but it was Steve who had demanded a divorce from Tony, but that didn't mean that everything that was happening didn't hurt him. Steve was normally a patient man .Steve felt like getting divorced had been the right choice, because he didn't know how many more of Tony's mistakes he could continue to forgive and forget, but... still... he missed Tony terribly. Tony was a mess when he broke his drugs sobriety, yes, but when he was sober, he was the man Steve loved. And Steve missed him. He missed his presence in the house, he missed having him next to her when he went to sleep... he simply missed his husband. He missed the beautiful moments they had spent together.

But those moments would never return.

Now that they were separated, Steve could see that their relationship hadn't been entirely healthy, with Tony making reckless choises of life or trying to get himself killed and Steve forgiving him and pretending nothing had happened because he was sure. That this time would be the one that worked, but even if their relationship hadn't been perfect, even if it hadn't been completely healthy despite how much they loved each other and their kids, Steve loved Tony.

I still loves him.

Steve only wished that things had been different, that both he and Tony had made different decisions and acted differently, but as much as he wished and wished, nothing could or would change the present he found himself in.Despite how much they had loved each other, how much they had cared for each other and their  son and daughter, their marriage had failed. Perhaps it had been destined to fail from the beginning.

Maybe two people just weren't meant to be together no matter how much they loved each other.

He could torture himself with maybes for the rest of his life, but nothing was going to change either the past or the present.

Still stroking the part of the bed Tony used to sleep on, Steve couldn't help it anymore, and sobbed. He let out a loud, deep sob against the pillow so that Peter couldn't hear him, he sobbed and sobbed without knowing exactly how long, he only knew that after being woken up by his alarm he had traces of tears on his cheeks, the cover of his slightly wet pillow, and observing an empty space next to him which would never be filled again.