Different person, same Ladybug 🐞

Chapter 23: Always there

(This is a continuation of the dream, I just really liked that last line)

As I let the water envelop me, my pains, my doubts, and my insecurities clashed with me all at once.

Why am I here? Does someone want to rub in my face that even if Mari isn't real, her life is easy and better than mine? What happens to Mari? Why am I so terrible at this? Who made life so hard? Why does the world seem too perfect? What was that other dream about? Why does everyone look at me when I answer questions correctly? Are they trying to take advantage of me? Are they suspicious? Are they judging me? Who am I? 

Who am I?

Who am I?

Why am I like this?

I never chose to be smart.

I never chose to be "gifted" as they call me.

I never chose to be born.

The world, its drowning me. They don't want me in their society. They think I'm disabled. Autism, anxiety, bipolar, different.

WHY AM I DIFFERENT?

Every night, I feel their eyes watching me. Seeing how freakish I am. 

Always watching.

Always staring.

Other people work hard to get into their dream colleges yet I get into it without a care! Their stares, it hurts. 

It always hurts.

Make it stop.

Make the world stop.

Why does the world hate me?

Why was I born this way?

I never was given a choice to be like this. If I was, I would've chosen the normal road. Where I would be loved and cared for by others. 

Where no one would be begging me to die in my sleep because their son can't get into the college I got accepted into.

Where people actually care about if I disappear one day. 

Where I have friends I know care, that I know love me.

This is why I hate the night. I can't push away my insecurities, my past. I can't do that.

I just have to lay there and watch their eyes. 

Always watching.

Always judging. 

Always there.