" It's already over." Maddy whispers out to Damon as her heart drops with a pressure of regret and heartbreak. She can see his lip quiver that indicates the sadness he tries to prevent
" You think I believe that? I won't let you push me away Maddy...
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RECOVERY IS MESSY, in the beginning, it's a complete darkness and you're in constant war with your own body. That's what makes Damon want to quit everything and go back to
But he can't, he won't, not now, and now ever. Because even though he aches he's changing, underneath all the pain he feels right now is a brand new life just waiting for him to claim it
Damon has been drowning for a long time and even with all the family he's had to support him, all the friends he's had help him wain off of the drugs, it was never enough because addicts have to be convinced to save themselves and by wanting to stand up from the shallow water the adversity put their head in
Damon can remember getting high the first time and he thought he tasted holy water. But now as he lays on his bed, fighting a war with his own body, he knows that over time, that holy water revealed itself to be hell fire
How terrible is it for people to love Damon as death touches him. How could anyone want that?
It doesn't really make sense to Damon but to Maddy, it doesn't have to
His eyes blue like rain, his hair like waves and a soul as vast and deep as the ocean. He is everything that she drowns in, and to point does she too swim from the water taking her?
He has kissed her fears away but also cut her new ones. He has given her new life but does that mean he will have his taken away?
For a whole week Damon has thrown up on himself, he has cried tears that he never knew he would weep, and he has felt the taste of death on his lips as the drugs detoxed from his body
Damon didn't push away the feeling, he wanted to be who he needed when he was young. He wanted to be what his father should have been that night he came back
He doesn't want to be the type of man who steals from his own family and scares his own child to not want any children
The cravings, muscle spasms, and bone pain tried to convince for Damon to lose himself yet again in the grip of drugs...but all he has had time to do is think
And what he finally realizes is that he could always admit he was using but he could never admit to the fact of himself hurting others
For the day of now, he feels like he is hallucinating the angel in his room. The angel that walks over to his bed with a sigh on her beautiful pink lips
Madeline Perez, the goddess of his life, the love of his life
Her breath is what he focuses on, his head rising as he tries to look at her, to see her again. He can only lower his head and push himself on his side, too weak to hold hisself up
" I don't know if you hate me, or pity me," Damon groans through his own words, his eyes closing briefly before he opens them once again
The blonde looks across his girlfriend, noticing how she holds her stomach like it's the last thing she'll ever hold
" Or maybe I just disgust you, but I want you to know Maddy. I did this for it." Damon moves his hand now closer towards her, taking in how she is hesitant to let his hand come into her belly
" I love- please don't say that you love me right now." Maddy speaks with a harsher tone, her hand moving to let his own come across her belly
" I want to break up, I can't do this anymore." Maddy holds a straight face, her teeth biting onto her tongue
Her face squeezes together tightly, her face turning red with the avoidant of crying. Her hand comes onto Damon's, basking in the moment of them holding their kid
" I'm doing this for both of us." Maddy seems to in touch with her words but they only add another level of dissociation for Damon
Because in the end, it was her, who made the bad days good. When the sun didn't shine, she moved the clouds, when the sky felt gray, she painted it blue, when the rain wouldn't stop, she had an umbrella high above his head
She kept him going even when there wasn't nothing left and for that, he will love her forever
" I want you to know that I love you, and it's okay if you don't love me anymore." Damon wrote his words like they were to go on a piece of paper, his mind thinking of just her and only her
" I still love you, I promise." Maddy more of so whispers out as she breaks her own heart
She doesn't just love him, she's so very much still in love with the man who put her on a peddle stool . But after a while, it became so wobbly that she decided to take herself off of it
Damon remembers now an old saying he heard and recites it over and over as he stares at Maddy
What is a bigger feeling than love
Loss
And maybe it's his fault but all he wanted was for the pain to go away even for a second, just two seconds of nothingness
And now that he doesn't have Maddy, he has that. Nothing
" I, you, haven't put on any weight yet." Damon catches a break from his sadness, his hand feeling around to feel on a small amount of the bump indicating a baby
" Oh, yeah, I'm only a month pregnant. It's all because daddy has weak pull out game." Maddy lets herself let go of the sad conversation also, her eyes glistening when they meet his low tired ones
" Mommy never told me to." Damon's voice croaks as his eyes nod off, his mind fighting his body to stay awake
" I'm going to go, will you call me when you are okay?" Maddy raises up from sitting, internally crying out when his hand slips from on her belly. His head nods as much as it can, his state being the worst she has ever seen him
She just stares at him for a brief second, and would continue doing so if Suze didn't guide her out of the room
" He says your name when I wake him from nightmares. He really does love you Maddy." Suze assures her as she takes ahold of her hand, glancing down at Maddy's stomach
" May I?" Suze asks with her hand hovering in the air, feeling solemn being outweighed by happiness when Maddy lets her place her hand on her stomach
" When Damon was born, he was born breathless. The life taken out of him before he could began. But when Cassie wails filled the room, his heart started again." Suze smiles at the memory, her heart strong with love for her kids
" I pray you never have the fear of losing a child. It's something that you can't come back from."
