The ride was terrific. Sitting on the bike with my arms wrapped around Nathan was one of the most amazing experiences of my entire life.
The entire night was fun. The ride, the chase, the diner, all of it. Down to the most minute details, it was perfect. I'm not sure how I'll ever top a date like that. I'll just keep making him plan the dates.
Although the bike ride was nice, it did leave me quite sore. So now I lay in my bed with an aching back, thinking about how great tonight was. If I'm honest with myself, I don't want to be alone right now. All I want is Nathan.
That's how I know I like him. Usually, I want alcohol. Right now, I want Nathan. I wish I could somehow show him how special he is to me. For the first time in my life, I want to get better for someone. I want to be better for Nathan.
I need to be better so I can help him. Suppose I'm better, then I can help Nate get better. I'll try to quit drinking. That's the first step.
I can't sleep. He's all I can think about. I want to talk to him forever, touch him forever, and listen to him forever. Is this what love is? I wonder if Nathan feels like this, too. All warm and fluffy inside, impatient to see each other again.
I know I'll see Nate tomorrow morning, just like every morning, but I don't want to wait. I've waited all my life for a boy like him. No more waiting.
I get out of bed with a sigh. I'm wearing plaid pyjama pants and one of Nate's hoodies I stole from when he was out the other day.
I lightly tread across the floor, careful not to make any noise, and I step out into the hallway. The apartment is quite pretty in the dark. The moonlight glows through the windows, dancing across the room.
For some reason, this place feels like home. I haven't been here for long, but then again, I never had a proper home. Or maybe it's just because Nathan lives here, too.
I tip-toe down the hallway towards Nathan's room. I stop at his door and take a deep breath before gently opening it. Once it's open far enough, I peek around the door to see if he's awake. He is.
Nathan is sitting on his bed, looking down at his lap with his head in his hands. Soft whimpers can be heard from behind his arms.
"Nathan?" I try and say in a soft and gentle voice, but I startle him anyway.
Nathan throws something under his pillow quickly before turning to look at me. His eyes are wet, and there is a dark feeling coming from within his eyes. "H-Hey Nora. C-Couldn't sleep?" His voice is trembling.
I nod at his question. Something's up. "Are you okay, Nate?"
"Oh, um... Y-Yeah." The hesitation in his face says otherwise.
I swing his door the rest of the way open and lightly step across the floor to him. His hair hangs over his eyes, a veil shielding him from me. He pulls his rolled-up sleeves back down, and he shuffles over so I can sit next to him on the bed.
I climb onto his bed and sit against the headboard next to him. I put his hand in mine.
"Let me help you, Nate. I don't know what you're going through right now, and you don't have to tell me. But I'm here. I'm not here to harm you or break you." I squeeze his hand. "Talk to me, Nathan. Please, let me help you. Let me carry your burden with you. Together, okay?" I watch his face for a moment. He doesn't say anything. But he does nod.
I watch as he rolls his sleeves back up to his elbow. He shows me his forearms. Horizontal cuts are lined up and down both his arms. A slow bleed leaks from them, staining his bedding. The blood drips down his arms, to his fingertips, and onto his blanket.
