The Last Night

Prologue

"I missed this." He breathes raking his teeth down my neck.
I laughed softly digging my fingers into his sides to bring him closer to me.
It was always like this. Since the first time we've been touched and teeth and flesh. Animals.
He slides my bra off and tosses it behind him in the shed before leading me down to the blanket we use.
"I forgot a condom." He breathes looking at me.
"I'm on the pill. And clean." He should know, he's the only one.
Nodding he lays down and I straddle him. Sinking down onto his shaft causing us both to sigh in relief.
His fingers rub my nipples and I groan.
Our hips meeting thrust for thrust.

The beginning of the end, that's how I see it now after all these years.
I sit up in bed sweaty and confused for a moment. My breathing ragged.

Once I orient myself I grab a glass of water and check in on my sleeping daughter. She looks just like him. Another punch to the gut.

I check my phone even though it's nearly four in the morning here.

You're still coming right?

My brother Adam.

Flight leaves at nine.

I text back before curling under my covers again. The thought of going home churns my stomach. That was a life I left behind as soon as I found out that I was pregnant at sixteen.

But my father has fallen ill. That's all they'll tell me. They're baiting me back. And I took the bait hook, line and sinker.

My phone pings again and I grab it up expecting to see my brother's name again but it's my best friend instead.

When will you be here!?

By noon.

I send back. Like with every choice I've had to make in the last decade there are upsides and downsides. Seeing my family and my best friend Ebony are the upsides.

I force myself to not think about the downsides though they plague me the most.

I reach under my bed for the stack of letters I've written over the years. At first it seemed like I wrote everything down. Then as Bryn got older I started doing them on her birthday. Writing anything I felt was important.

Including a picture of that year. Doctors papers. Everything.

Then I remember what my mother told me the night I left.

"Molly this is the time to be brave. Always remember that sometimes we just tend to be collateral damage in people's war against themselves."

I never saw it that way but as time went on it made more sense. Women are a different breed. They are creators and fixers. It's embedded in them to fix and repair even if it kills us.

It took longer than I'd like to admit before I realized you can't fix something that doesn't want to be fixed and that goes along with people too. Some people are simply set in there ways.

Women are caregivers. Nurturers. Something drilled into us so many times over the decades that it became a part of our DNA. And when a woman steps out of the perfectly sculpted box we're meant to be in, people tend not to like that very much.

I am no exception. I know no bounds and I do everything in the name of my child. That's why even I know this is a very terrible decision and my family put me in an incredibly awful position. But I will stand tall and I will do what is needed of me. For my father.