WITH THE ALPHA

Part 4 ; The Pain

A tight smile etched onto my lips. I stared wide eyed at this stranger who had called me his mate.

"Ah , thanks. I gotta go." I faked a laugh before attempting to bolt. "Wait , what's your name?" He grabbed my wrist and there I felt them — that pleasurable tingle dancing on my skin. I almost fell for the feeling , wanting more but I pushed his hand away , growling at him. He was startled and only watched in amazement as I clicked away towards the door.  

He turned to face the cashier who stood amazed as well. "Well , that was quite something." He oddly laughed before pulling the slip I had forgotten to take. "She bought a pregnancy kit." He muttered to himself as he pushed the slip into his pocket.

I slammed the door of my car closed and immediately started the engine and with the roar I hammered forward at full speed. I threw my hat off my head and continued to drive towards the pack house. "You have got to be kidding me." I cursed.

"My mate? At this time?" I braked hard at the stop sign , letting some cars pass me. I groaned and hammered my head on the steering wheel multiple times causing my car hump at passing cars.

Half an hour later I was in my bathroom , eagerly waiting for five minutes for the kit dipped in my urine. The timer went off in the distance alerting me of the passed time. I took a breath and pulled out the stick in the cup.

I held the instructions in another hand and the kit in another. "One stripe if not pregnant and two stripes if pregnant." I studied the stripes on the kit and dropped down on seeing two stripes. "No way." I laughed as tears streaked down my face. I tested again with the second strip and got the exact some result.

"No." I shook my head. Abortion was forbidden in the supernatural community , it was seen as killing a person with no voice even though it was my body and my choice to carry it.

This whole matter depressed me for many reasons. I didn't plan to get pregnant. Second , I don't want things to turn out like my own family , my father left us when we were young and if the same would happen to my own children I'm rather scared that I'd end up like my mother —Weak.
I'm already a broken person , I'm alone and Damian and Derick are the pack Alpha and Beta. They are wolves and once they decide they don't want my child they might kill the baby once it is born once their wolf does not see it worthwhile to keep it since wolves only recognize the pups born by their mate more precious.
I can't guarantee it's life. 

A lone thought amongst the others led to my mate. The one I had met at the convenience store today. I sulked.

He would never accept my pups , especially since they are not his. Would it be better for Damian or Derick to just kill them when they are born? Or my mate to kill them when they are born?

This is just the laws of nature. We may have human sides but we are wolves and we rely mostly on our instincts.

I'm sure my mate would never want me anyway. I've been quite devious all my life. I've lied , sinned and killed. I am not good enough for something like a mate.

The more I thought the more I delved into my own state of mind. It was quite a unhappy place to be. My eyes by pure coincidence fell onto my second package that I hadn't opened from earlier today. I made my way towards it and began to rip the packaging open. I knew what was inside and what was in it seemed like the best option right now.

It was a small box with a small bag of powder inside. "I only got cocaine this time." I read the note on the page before I threw it inside the dustbin. I slid out the small bag and tapped out some onto the flat surface of my tiled dresser. I took my credit card and portioned it into small bits before snorting the whole thing up.

I rubbed my nose , the overwhelming feeling of sneezing taking over me. But I did not stop , I tapped more out of the bag and snorted that inside as well.

Minutes later I was on my knees next to my dresser , my head bobbed down as my hair covered my face. My eyes drooped but I felt like I had too much energy. I pushed myself upward and made my way to the corner of my bed where I threw my back on the mattress.

No problems or thought were relevant to my mind and when I did think of them they seemed like the lightest weight I could carry. I wanted people to know how happy I was , how care free I was so I jolted out of bed and pushed my feet onto my slippers. "Let's visit my dear friends." I laughed as I pushed my hair back.

I opened my door and ventured into the pack halls. I found myself at the pack lounge where various pack members were busy chatting and other enjoying the comfort zones. I saw a familiar crowd playing games with a few others I didn't know.

"Hey , guys." I greeted before slipping past their legs and onto a free spot on the couch. "Hey , Dev. How's you?" Cassandra greeted but she halted and stared at me for a long second. "Are you okay?" I nodded , my eyes feeling heavier since I had sat down.

"You're nose bleeding." A person said but I didn't think opening my eyes to answer that was worth it. I felt really great , I wanted to hold onto this feeling.

"Hey , Dev. Are you okay?" You're kinda . . . Dev!"