Wanting Wes

Chapter 4

Laurel POV

"Want to go for a walk?" Wes leans closer as he asks.

He smells good, his arm grazing mine as he tics.

"Yes." I nearly breath the words, relief flooding me.

I know sitting with my friends shouldn't feel so overwhelming but it is. Ellie with probing questions, Brett and his gaze that seems to read everything that's going on in my mind. I feel like they're scrutinizing me, trying to unravel my secrets in one swift pull and as much as I want to confide in them, I'm not ready to relive everything.

Wes stands, holding his hand out for me and I slip mine in his. It's familiar still, the way our fingers fold together and nostalgia hits me like a ton of bricks.

I let him lead me out of the hall, down a hall to a door that opens into an empty courtyard. As he steps out into the night air, he tics, dropping my hand as he does. Or maybe it was intentional.

We walk the stone path that encompasses the manicured hedges, both of us silent until Wes clears his throat and says "how's Bryce?"

I should have known it was coming but hearing his name is like a knife to the gut. "I don't know. We are getting divorced."

"I'm sorry Laurel." Wes says and he's genuine.

I'm not sure how I feel about it though, Wes genuinely being sorry for my divorce. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss Wes, I've longed for Wes ever since we broke up.

It was a normal day, I'd gone to work, swung by the store for a couple of things. We had cooked dinner together, told each other about our day, laughed. We ate and Wes cleaned up the dishes while I showered. It wasn't until we were laying on opposite couches that Wes cleared his throat.

I remember at the time I was safe, I was loved, but my soul was restless. I had asked Wes on more than one occasion if he'd move. If he'd go to a new state with me, maybe work remote and travel a little. I knew it would be a fruitless question though, Wes had never given me a reason to think otherwise. His no didn't make me resent him but it left me dreaming of a different life.

He was the one to proposition our break up. We were just kids, long distance had been hard, did we really want to go through it again if I accepted a new job. If I traveled for work or just to travel.

It was so easy to agree with him, to see this beautiful light of adventure and opportunity bloom within my field of vision. I had my out, sure the heartbreak hurt, knowing that Wes wouldn't be mine but could I really give up the dream of getting the hell out of there. It had been all I dreamed about for the longest time, what kept me going in the darkest hours.

A fresh start.

Wes delivered it on a silver platter, promising we could still be friends and he meant it. So did I, though I haven't always the most present friend.

It didn't take long for me to realize that I missed Wes more than I loved the adventure but by the time I worked up the nerve to tell him, to ask him if I could come home, he was dating someone. There was no official announcement but word travels through our friend group and it was obvious, Wes and Mack were together.

I wasn't going to interfere besides we said our break up was mutual which meant I had to face the music that Wes wasn't in love with me anymore.

I dated here and there, nothing that stuck until I met Bryce. He was wonderful. Charming and handsome, doting and engaging. I had found another Wes, at least I thought. So I married him.

We went on vacations, he was always planning the next lavish get away. We did cruises and went out to high end restaurants in fancy cities. We did banquets and charity events and I drove an expensive car and lived in a lofty apartment in the good part of the city.

It was a fairytale until I caught him cheating. Turns out, all the lavish gifts and vacations were meant to keep me dazzled so I didn't notice the nights spent out late and the numerous work weekends and the money being paid at jewelry stores I didn't have jewelry from and the flowers I never received, the events I didn't get an invite too.

I confronted him one evening, the whole affair had been burning in my gut for over a month. He broke down crying, spewing false promises until I caved under the condition marriage counseling was a must.

Two more years I stayed. I thought we had mended things, that the promises he made he had kept. But then I got a feeling, maybe the affair never ended and I was just naively hopeful it had. Or maybe he did stop for a while. But I wasn't good enough to keep him faithful.

After the second confrontation, Bryce's whole demeanor changed. He didn't cry, he didn't apologize, he didn't offer any false promises. Instead it was my fault. I was the reason he sought comfort in another woman. If only I could have just been happy with the things he gave me. Wasn't it enough?

That's when the fights started. The yelling and the screaming and the slamming of doors. It was volatile. I couldn't say or do anything right. But yet I still stayed. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was the problem.

It wasn't until he moved all our money into a new bank account and left me stranded at a gas station trying to fill my tank that I realized I couldn't do it. I couldn't live like that, on eggshells and never good enough. I'd already done it once when I was much younger. Hadn't I learned? Didn't I say I was done playing with fire? Yet there I was standing in the midst of flames.

I called my dad, sobbing, begging for him to fix it. And he did, my parents came to my rescue, just like they did before.

"Yeah." I muttered. I know divorcing Bryce is what I have to do but it still hurts. I miss the man I married. The man I thought he was. "Are you seeing anyone?"

Wes shakes his head no and when I ask why not he just shrugs. "I don't mind being single."

I wish I felt the same.

But I loved being married, having my person. If only it hadn't been all lies. I probably should have known better. What were the chances that I'd actually find another amazing guy who was exactly who he said he was. I already had Wes and I let him go. My luck was never good enough to guarantee that sort of thing twice. Besides Bryce didn't know everything about me, not like Wes did. I had only ever given him the surface. And he had never asked for more.

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The problem with only six chapters is this is going way too fast. We're almost done already 😂