Koichi remembered that day all too well. He always took a sip of whiskey every time he remembered.
It burns.
Hell it fucking burns. Like hellfire itself.
Seeing Jin's death broadcast like that was entirely too brutal.
Deep inside he was jealous of how calm and collected Kyosuke Munakata seemed with it all. Though it was obvious the silver haired man was somewhat bothered by it all, he acted like it wasn't a big deal and was unaware of how it felt to Koichi and the others who had to bear their losses, the feeling of despair slowly eating him from the inside out. Koichi envied that, but also hated it.
How could someone be so cold as to not feel that kind of despair deep inside?
How could one fail to be human so badly?
Unlike what he believed, Munakata was human.
Just a human who wore a cold mask.
And a human who failed to relate to most, making his companions all the more valuable.
If only Kizakura knew how deeply losing it all would crush him.
He missed Jin and the fact that Jin couldn't even escape the Earth peacefully, and instead spent every last minute while dying screaming in agony made Koichi hurt all over. Jin couldn't even have so much as at least a peaceful passing and it endlessly bothered Koichi. Koichi could hardly get out of bed some days, only seemingly capable of getting up to drink and take a piss.
Some days, it took Munakata entering his shitty apartment and pestering him to get up or Sakakura damn near breaking down the door and physically dragging him out of the bed. On rare ocassions it was Yukizome.
Despite Sakakura's harshness, the hot headed man seemed more understanding of his pain. Sakakura held more empathy. It wasn't that Munakata was entirely brushing it off, he understood that Kizakura was suffering, but he couldn't understand how soul crushing those feelings were. Unlike Sakakura. Sakakura had experienced it, having lost his sister. Sakakura knew the pain and he understood, and Koichi felt heard when he vented to Sakakura about it.
At first, Koichi didn't want to speak or it. But he discovered that speaking to Sakakura about it made it easier to cope with. Both began sharing their stories of the departed ones they loved. Kizakura also felt understood by Sakakura on the rare ocassion he sobbed his eyes out. Sakakura had a comforting sort of energy when he was in the room while Koichi cried. A sort of energy that silently whispered "I understand your pain, I've been there." Sakakura just rubbed his back and sat beside him when he cried. Once Koichi even hugged him while sobbing his eyes out during a particularly bad afternoon and Sakakura took it well.
Munakata never understood how to react the couple of times Koichi cried when he was the one to wake him up. Munakata mostly just stood there, awkwardly watching, and waiting for Koichi's crying fit to subside before telling him that it'd do him some good to eat something, drink some water, take a shower, and at least read something or walk around. Munakata had good intentions, he really did, but it was hard for him to sound understanding when he wore that cold mask that he didn't know how to take off. Crying around Munakata was uncomfortable for both Koichi and Munakata.
Ocassionally, Yukizome was the one to get him out of bed. Koichi would've thought that she would've been the most understanding but something about her overly cheerful and positive personality felt unsettling to him. It wasn't her fault but Koichi would've preferred Sakakura banging on his door and dragging him out of bed after the first time that Yukizome was the one to check on him. Sakakura felt the most like an overly concerned friend who was just a little aggressive sometimes, but somebody who actually understood and wanted the best for him. Munakata was too cold, too robotic and Yukizome was too cheerful for his liking.
Eventually Munakata stopped being the one to get him up when he was glued to the bed and he asked that Yukizome not be the one to check on him. Munakata could tell that Sakakura had better results than either of them and left it up to Sakakura to prevent the blonde man from rotting away under his sheets. In theory, Munakata was doing a good thing for Koichi but at this point, it wasn't doing either of them favors when Sakakura could do the same thing Munakata was doing but better and faster.
One day, Koichi was laying down on the couch, covered in a pile of blankets when Sakakura came banging on his door.
"Come in," Koichi said, his voice a little hoarse. He was still having nightmares but it had at least been a while since he cried.
Sakakura walked into the apartment and said, "You're at least on the couch this time... that should count for something, right?"
"Mm I suppose it does," Koichi replied.
"Don't suppose you'll quit drinking though. You've been an alcoholic long before... what happened to the headmaster."
"Probably not."
"We'd be hoping for too much there. But hey, at least you're moving a little more on your own. That's good."
"You're easier to talk to than I would've thought. Makes it easier to deal with the pain when somebody else understands it. Though, you weren't like this when she died..." Koichi said, referring to Sakakura's sister, Sato.
"No but it destroyed a big part of me, it really did. Miss her every day. I used to be like that though, when I was in middle school. As a kid, I did the same thing. When I discovered boxing... that kind of... saved my life in that way at least," Sakakura replied.
"Now you've got me curious, what got you into it in the first place?" Kizakura asked.
"Kind of funny you ask that. It actually... kinda relates to my sister. After our mom died we lived with whichever family would have us. At first we went with our aunt and uncle. Our uncle was a creep and he'd been harassing Sato. I didn't know about it until Sato came to me in tears. She came to me because she didn't have anybody else to go to. I wanted to beat the crap out of him. Of course, he kicked my ass and grounded me but I still wanted to beat the crap out of him and that petty anger made me determined to get stronger," Sakakura explained.
"So did you kick his ass?"
Sakakura smirked, "Sure did... after excessive training. I spent nearly every waking moment training and taking people on to get stronger. I could care less what happened to me but I'd do whatever it takes to protect my sister so I was desperate to get strong for her sake. Course, we got kicked out after I wiped the floor with his sorry ass but my sister was grateful."
"I'm glad you kicked his ass."
"Me too."
"Jin would do anything for his daughter even though they didn't really get along. I miss him dearly. He asked me to protect his daughter so I'll do anything to guarantee that. Maybe I should get back to usual so I can do a better job of that."
"My story inspired you that much?"
"No it's just... I don't want my grief to prevent me from keeping my promise to him. It's the least I can do. Thanks, Sakakura."
"Your welcome? I guess?"
Koichi stood up to give him a hug.
"I really appreciate your help. It's really hard right now but I'm finally starting to think maybe I can still find some sort of peace in this hell," Koichi said, "you might have to still get me up for a while though."
"I'm going to knock on your door extra loud from now on."
"Just don't break my door. Or your hands."
