— After they get back together, Kim decides to let Chay in his head the way he never let anyone before. All of his thoughts, his fears, his anger, confusion, and love...it's all in his diary. All there for Chay to read
tw: suicidal thoughts —
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Kim gently brushes his lips over Chay's cheek, caressing his messy hair. It's early, just 6 in the morning, but Kim has an early photoshoot. It's time for him to leave.
Chay looks so peaceful, with his face buried in Kim's pillow and hands clutching onto a blanket. Kim doesn't want to go. He wants to get back to bed and hold his sweet angel tight until Chay himself says that they should get up. But the photoshoot is for his new album so he has to go. And even if Kim doesn't want to really think about it—it's good that he does. At least Chay will have all the time he needs to read Kim's diary, his deepest thoughts, and Kim will have time to at least try to prepare for Chay's reaction—whatever that might be.
Kim thought about it for months. The idea of Chay reading through his most vulnerable thoughts used to scare Kim more than anything. The idea that Chay would get to see exactly how deeply pathetic Kim really is, used to make Kim's skin crawl. Kim used to be terrified—terrified that Chay would deem him too weak, too broken, too irredeemable, that Chay would leave him—leave him just like Kim deserves. But now, now he isn't afraid anymore. At least not so much. He knows that Chay loves him. He gets to witness it every day. He gets to feel it every second. He feels unworthy of it, but he also can't give it up, not again. Chay knows everything about him. Everything there is to know on the surface. But there's still so much so deeply hidden inside of Kim that Chay has never met, thoughts that Kim poured out of himself on the paper and kept away for so long. But he loves Chay, and Chay should know everything about him, truly everything.
He wants Chay to know it. So, he leaves his diary right next to Chay's sleeping body, and with a quiet, "I love you, angel," he leaves the apartment.
☆☆☆☆☆
When Chay wakes up, the bed feels too empty. He hates waking up without the weight of Kim's body right next to him, but he knows Kim has a busy work schedule today. He had to leave early. And yet, that doesn't stop Chay from feeling a little sad.
He wants to roll over to Kim's side completely and let Kim's scent envelope every inch of his body, but when he attempts to do it, his hand brushes over something solid—it feels like leather and sounds like paper. Chay opens his eyes fully and looks at the unfamiliar object next to him. It's a book... a diary.
Fully awake now, Chay sits up and takes the diary into his hands. There's a sticky note right in the middle of the first page...
— this is the real me. The me you saved. The me that loves you the most—
