PICK UP, DAMN IT! || iwaoi

II: bi and miserable

pick up, damn it!
two.

MAYBE tooru was an idiot. he hated geniuses, but he hated idiots more. he's supposed to be happy for his best friend—supporting him for finally finding someone decent to like. the closest hajime had to a crush was a married model from the Philippines, meaning this was finally a chance for him to actually get his love life going on. so why is he being the most selfish, stupid idiot right now? he hates it. he hates the feeling of wanting his best friend to be happy, and hates the feeling of wanting his best friend to be happy with him. does hajime even swing that way? most likely not. and he's his best friend, for crying out loud. best friends are supposed to help each other. but he's helped enough, right? he shouldn't concern himself with hajime's love life, right? honestly, he should stop liking hajime like that as well while he's at it. a part of him wanted to confess, take a deep breath and tell his best friend, but his feelings is the only secret he's kept from his dear iwa-chan. but if he does that, he might just lose a friend. tooru feels like the biggest dick on earth. maybe if he closed his eyes hard enough, he'd be one with his bed. maybe if he closed his eyes hard enough, he'd turn into a girl. maybe then, loving his best friend wouldn't be a sin. his phone chimed.

[ one missed call from iwa:p ]

tooru reached for his phone and turned it off. he doesn't want to talk to him right now. if he did, he might forget all about his thoughts and fall back in his state of delusion—the part where hajime would get his closure and tooru would get to keep a friend. a really, really dear friend. he looks up at his ceiling. he doesn't know what time it is—maybe that's what happens when you're bi and miserable. he wonders how hajime's doing. is he eating well? sleeping well? how are things with his crush? maybe he's already courting her? heck, they could be already dating. he couldn't help but think how lucky the girl is, to date such a good man like his iwa-chan. she's gonna be treated like the only girl in the world, hajime's gonna spoil her rotten. he wishes hajime could treat him like that too, like nothing else matters but them when they're together. does hajime think that? tooru definitely thinks that. does he? he wishes. as much as the brunette would love to stay in his bed and be depressed, he has to keep up with his routine. he spent years on his regime, he's not about to let his boy problems ruin it.. excusing the fact he almost did. he gets up, puts on his cushion-soft slippers. he brushes his teeth, washes his face, combs his silky hair and gets dressed up. a little jog around the park is a good start. the sun was about to go down. "mom, i'm going out to jog!" he put on his wind breaker and went out, hajime's earphones connected to his phone. that's right, he hasn't returned them yet. too bad for the ace, he's keeping it.

he jogs past women with their babies on strollers, past people walking their dogs, past toddlers waddling. he jogs a long distance, but he doesn't feel tired in the slightest. he circles back to his house, jogging up to his front porch and smelling the sweet aroma of egg omelettes. he opens the door, and there he sees the very man he was trying to avoid, seated at the dinner table. "tooru! you didn't tell me hajime was coming, i could've gone to the grocery and bought ingredients to cook something better." hajime shook his head, smiling. "no, it's okay auntie. i came over without a second's notice, and i'm thankful you're even cooking something delicious for me." tooru's mom smiles and serves him an omelette—the unburnt one. "you're always so flattering, hajime! tooru, why can't you be more like this sweet boy?" the brunette groans, taking off his shoes and stacking them up on the shoe rack. "Hold on, let me get some drinks from the fridge." as soon as tooru's mom left, hajime's smile dropped. "why weren't you picking up my calls?" tooru coaxed his nape, unzipping his wind breaker. "my phone died, sorry." he climbed up to his room, leaving no time for doubt, though he knew hajime was already doubting him by the look of his face. "sorry, let me change first." he went inside his room and leaned against the closed door, his mouth quivering. he was shaking, actually. he doesn't actually know why, it's just another day with his best friend coming over. what's the big idea? it's not like he hasn't thought of kissing him when his mom's in the kitchen every time he came over, what's the difference now? oh, well, maybe it's the fact that he shouldn't keep thinking about kissing hajime iwaizumi, whether his mom is there or not. his mom being there doesn't make too much of a difference. she's pretty chill and gets along well with every girl, boy, or stray dog tooru brings home. she's pretty much accepted the fact that her son has a lot of love in him, much love to give and too little of it to lose.