Healing the Wounds of Lost Trust

Facing the Storm

"When the wind blows just right, will you come fly with me?" Feathers' words echoed in my mind as the wind howled outside, shaking the trees and rattling the windows. The power of the storm was almost mesmerizing, a force of nature that mirrored the chaos inside my mind. As I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling, my phone buzzed on the nightstand. I reached over and grabbed it, the screen illuminating the darkness. The message was from Rosalinda, my crush. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of her name. It was a small ray of light in an otherwise gloomy day.

"Hey there, I finally added you" - Rosalinda 3:00 PM

I smiled, feeling a warmth spread through me that had been absent for far too long. I quickly typed a response.

"That's great" - Cozy Cat 3:01 PM

Her reply came almost instantly.

"Thanks for giving me your number" - Rosalinda 3:02 PM

"No problem" - Cozy Cat 3:03 PM

I waited for a moment, my eyes flicking back to the storm outside. The wind was relentless, much like the thoughts that plagued my mind. Just then, another message came through.

"Um hey, I forgot to ask you, what is your name? Like your real name. I heard that everyone calls you Cozy Cat but I know that's not your real name." - Rosalinda 3:05 PM

My heart sank. She had asked the forbidden question, the one I dreaded more than anything. My real name. It felt like an anchor, something that tied me to a past I wasn't ready to share. The only people who knew my real name were Sophia, Sunny, and Linda. I was surprised that Fatima had forgotten my real name. The thought of sharing it with Rosalinda, no matter how much I liked her, filled me with anxiety.

"I'd rather not say. Just call me Cozy Cat." - Cozy Cat 3:06 PM

I hit send, feeling a pang of guilt. I wanted to open up to her, to share everything, but the fear was too great. What if she didn't like the real me? What if my name, something so simple yet so defining, changed the way she saw me?

I put my phone down and let out a sigh. The storm outside continued to rage, the wind now almost bending the smaller trees to the ground. It was a violent, beautiful chaos that seemed to reflect the turmoil within me. I thought about all the times I had shared my name and the reactions it had elicited. Each time felt like a gamble, a risk I wasn't sure I was ready to take again.

The minutes ticked by, and my phone buzzed again. I hesitated before picking it up. Her response was waiting.

"Okay, Cozy Cat. I respect that. Just curious! 😊" - Rosalinda 3:08 PM

Relief washed over me. She hadn't pressed the issue, hadn't demanded an answer I wasn't ready to give. But the question lingered in my mind. What was I so afraid of? Why did the thought of sharing my name feel like exposing a wound?

I thought back to the times with Sophia and Sunny, how natural it had felt to be myself around them. They had known my name, my secrets, my fears, and they had accepted me. But they were gone now, and the void they left behind was filled with doubt and insecurity.

Rosalinda was different. She was new, a potential friend—or maybe more—but the fear of rejection was paralyzing. I wanted to be close to her, to let her in, but the walls I had built around myself were high and impenetrable.

"Thanks for understanding," I typed, hesitating before adding, "You're really kind."

"Thanks! So, what's up? How's your day been?" - Rosalinda 3:10 PM

I stared at her message, wondering how to respond. How could I explain the storm inside me, the weight of loneliness and fear? I decided to keep it simple.

"It's been okay, just dealing with some stuff. How about you?" - Cozy Cat 3:11 PM

As I waited for her reply, I thought about the park, the place I often went to escape the confines of my thoughts. Maybe I would go there later, sit by the lake, and watch the ducks glide across the water. It was a place where I could breathe, where the chaos inside me seemed to quiet down for a while.

My phone buzzed again, pulling me back to the present.

"My day's been good! Just finished a project for school. Do you want to meet up sometime?" - Rosalinda 3:13 PM

The idea of meeting her in person both excited and terrified me. What if she saw through the facade? What if she realized I was just a mess, barely holding it together?

"Sure, that sounds nice. When and where?" - Cozy Cat 3:14 PM

We made plans to meet at the park the next day. As I put my phone down, a mix of anticipation and dread settled in my chest. I wanted to see her, to spend time with her, but the fear of being truly seen was overwhelming.

The rest of the evening passed in a blur. I couldn't shake the feeling of unease, the sense that I was standing on the edge of something profound and terrifying. The storm outside had calmed, leaving behind a quiet, eerie stillness.

Lying in bed, my gaze fixed on the blank expanse of the ceiling, my thoughts raced like wild horses running away from the hunters that want to enslave them. The idea of letting Rosalinda in was both enticing and terrifying. What if she saw the messy tangle of emotions inside me and recoiled in horror? What if my vulnerabilities drove her away, leaving me even more alone than before?

As sleep began to claim me, I found myself clinging to a faint glimmer of hope. In the depths of my subconscious, I yearned to soar away on the wings of Feathers, to leave behind the weight of my fears and insecurities. It was a fleeting dream, but in that moment, it offered a brief respite from the storm raging inside me.