I wasn't really close with my mom, growing up. In fact, I don't really remember my mom before I was like 5 or 6 years old.
The only memory I have of my mom, while we lived in the first house. (The house I was brought home to, and that we lived in until I was like 4 and a half.) Is not a good one. 4,5,6, and I woke up early and tried to make breakfast for our parents. I know we made eggs and something else, but I can't remember what. When we tried to get them up to come and eat, they were already up and getting ready to leave. I can still see in my head, my mom saying, "We can't come eat, we don't have time." As her and my dad hurried out of the house. I don't remember what we did after that, but I very much remember her walking away from me.
I usually try to blame me, not remembering her on the fact that I was really young or that I broke my head open when I was 4. The truth is, though, that my mom wasn't really present. She was usually around somewhere, but never there. If that makes sense. In fact, we had a Nany that watched us even when my mom was home. As an adult, I can understand what she was going through. She had 5 babies in the span of 6 years. She was exhausted and mentally unwell in a time when having a mental illness made you crazy. As a kid, though, all I knew was that mom wasn't there.
To be honest, I didn't really notice my moms absence. It wasn't a thing I cared about. I feel guilty about it sometimes. I cared so much about my dad that I didn't care to remember when my mom was around.
I cared about my dad and horses, in that order specifically.
I remember really little and honestly unimportant things about my dad. Like I remember that almost every day when my dad got home from work, one of the first things he would do was go to the bathroom. So I would sit outside of the bathroom door and wait for him. Sometimes up to half an hour, I would just wait for him to be done. Whenever he sat down in a chair, I was there to claim my spot on his lap. I even remember sitting on the top of the plastic playhouse and watching him mow the lawn.
