Stripped

Chapter 4

I chose not to make myself relive any more than I have to at the moment. I'm thirty minutes early for my appointment, but I think maybe they'll let me in early. I take a deep breath as I pull open the glass doors to find an impersonal office. It's attached to the hospital, and has a clinical vibe going, everything white and sterile looking, even the woman sitting behind the desk. Besides the cross hanging behind the check-in counter, the office is devoid of any personality.

I approach the woman at the counter. "Date of birth?" she asks cooly, smoothing her perfectly coiffed brown hair.

I tell her, and add that I know I am early. She ignores me and instead asks me to confirm my personal information.

"Okay hun," she adds a little softness, "you can have a seat and the nurse will be right with you."

I am shocked she didn't hand me a clipboard with fifty questions. I take out my phone and open one of my social media pages. I don't even have time to scroll when a nurse calls my name, "Lexi?"

When she sees me stand, she motions with her head for me to follow her. She bypasses the intake station where they usually check my height, weight, and blood pressure. There is no check, no questions, instead, she leads me into an exam room. "The doctor will be right with you," she says.

My palms are sweaty while I wait. I don't know what to do with my slick hands, so I wipe them on the slides of my ribcage, knowing my lavender t-shirt won't tell.

The exam room has a little more personality than the waiting room. There's still the coolness of a doctor's office, a paper covered exam table, a set of two-must have waiting room style chairs, and the extendable computer screen. The room is painted a soft shade of purple though and the waiting room chairs have an edgy abstract cube thing going for them, in hues of color that match the purple walls. I'm busy counting the number of colors when I hear a soft knock.

"Come in," I shout.

Tawny fingers stretch around the doorway, followed by a familiar face. Dr. White is a sweet black woman, with a straight, face-framing bob cut and a soft, round face. "Lexi," she says, "I understand that you may be a victim of sexual assault. Can you tell me about what happened?" She speaks with a lisp, which I don't remember from the last time I saw her.

I sheepishly explain what happened on Thursday evening. She nods knowingly, her brown eyes showing no trace of her thoughts while I give her the details that I can remember. I wait for her to ask more questions or for her to reprimand me, for her to tell me to make better choices, but she doesn't.

"Well, Lexi. I'm sorry to tell you, but I am not authorized to do a rape exam here. I can take a look and make sure you have no tearing and are free of abrasions, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to send you to the emergency room for the full exam."

"What?" I ask, gripping the edge of the table. "I don't want to go to the emergency room. I don't want to press charges. I just want to make sure I'm okay, that he didn't damage me or that I'm not pregnant."

"Unfortunately, I still have to send you." She looks at me with a heartbroken expression on her face. She speaks softly and soothingly, "I'll do a preliminary check to make sure he didn't cause any tearing, but they'll have to do everything else at the ER."

I shake my head to indicate that I still don't want to go. I feel pressure on either side of my nose, and a swelling in my eyes. I try not to let any tears escape, one, two, three, four. I wipe them away, I don't know how to navigate this situation.

She knows though, "I'll call ahead, and make sure they know you're coming, so you don't have to repeat the whole spiel right away, okay?"

That makes me feel a little better and I agree. She leaves the room so I can take off my clothes, so she can begin the exam. I go back to counting the colored cubes on the chair while I wait. I only get to seven hues of blues and purples when she returns. She tells me everything she's doing, every touch she is going to make, and she lets me know when she's going to apply pressure.