Summary - Autumn thinks about her life and her little lost baby.
As Autumn got dressed for the day she scanned her eyes over her body in the full length mirror. She caressed her stomach gently and once again wondered, why?
She was so sorry. Sorry that her body hadn't protected her precious baby. Winter had told her that she wasn't to blame, but she still hated herself. She was sorry that the person she used to be had caused so much harm to others. She hadn't forgotten Olivia. She wasn't sure she believed in heaven, but deep down in her heart she hoped that perhaps their babies had found peace together. Hopefully in a place where the sun never set.
Throughout her entire life Autumn had always been a fighter. Over the past couple of years she had finally felt safe enough to let her guard down, little by little. Winter held her heart in his hands and she trusted him to look after it, always.
When Marjorie had come to find her sitting alone in a bar, Autumn had never been more grateful. As soon as Marjorie had wrapped her arms tightly around Autumns body, her broken heart ached a little less.
When Reece held her the way he had when they were children, the weight in her chest lightened, just a little. She was so thankful for her big brother. They both mourned those twenty torturous years in which they'd lost each other.
Autumn hoped that her baby had Winters beautiful eyes. Each night as she slept she dreamt of baby blue eyes, searching for her - looking for their Mummy. Maybe it just wasn't on the cards for her, but if that was the case why did she have all of this love inside of her heart? Autumn was a Mummy with no baby and her arms ached every time she realised they would remain empty.
Before their baby left them, she and Winter had made so many plans. During that time, Autumn had never felt happier and she knew she was lucky to have ever felt that way at all. Some people have no such luck.
Autumn knew she'd be alright. She always was. Life would continue and slowly people would forget. No matter what, her baby mattered - she could never forget. This was the first time Autumn had truly lost something she simply could not replace.
But she was doing fine.
"And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath to forget"
- Shania Twain (IT ONLY HURTS WHEN I'M BREATHING)
