HER GODMAN, HIS ESTEEM | 𝗔𝗨 | namjoon × enne

without him|15

𝐻𝐸𝑅 𝐺𝑂𝐷𝑀𝐴𝑁 𝐻𝐼𝑆 𝐸𝑆𝑇𝐸𝐸𝑀| 15
WITHOUT HIM | N O - O N E

The whole night she flashed with the harsh reality which was not less than a series of nightmares, being wide awake. The future which she careless neglected while coding her lips with his ones, now tensed her badly. She, in one side didn't want to face the next morning, but in another side, was chanting for the sun to rise so that she can meet him. So that she can ask forgiveness to him.

Soon and sooner, the morning sunshine drawn on, manipulating the frightened darkness of her life. Her trembled soles touched the cold floor, thoughts still bouncing in her head.

What happens when a person whom you love, terminates the bond with you? Trauma. A terrified trauma that doesn't look less than a realistic nightmare. And she was suffering that tragic reality.

She went, forwarding her feet, inside the restroom. The voice which covered the background sound of the restroom was nothing, but her slow breathing. Each breathing was a plea-for him make things like before.

She stood in front of the mirror, seeing the girl she never met before. The bottoms of her once bright eyes, now were tinted with dreadful dark-circles.

The time ruthlessly passed, goosebumps crawled all her naked body as the crisp waters flowing in the river from up to bottom. She closed her, leaving a heavy sigh, thinking that it would help her anyway, but it didn't.

She wanted to leave this city, leave this country right now. But couldn't cause she still wanted to be with him, in this country, this city.

Her head faced down, the eyes on her belly thinking of him enveloping it with his mighty hands yesterday. Their yesterday heated encounter was even now, living on her head without rent. The motionless belly, now internally felt a war of locomotion butterflies. Whatever may be the consequences, that slight kiss ironic and remarkable in her life.

Again her hormones generated wilding as her clenched her eyes, wanting to be lost in those arms again, to embrace them tightly and with a grip that no one break it. It was so hard to accept this urge but some where or the other--that maybe she wanted to kiss him again.

But won't admit it even if it take the cost of her life. She just didn't want to.

She raised her head, eyes still shut. A frown on the eye brows, as the waters splashed on her visage. Pain and lone whelming in each drop.

_______

She step out of her room and tilted her body to her other side, as her eyes gazed on the door having a 'Room no. 72' tag in the centre of his room.

Again, the tsunami of feelings and emotions erected. Her heart chanting insecureness and an known fear. Her feet marched forward as she, at first, hesitated but eventually played some knockings only to get--no answer.

She looked at the door with blank expression on her face. Her intervals screamed the hell out but she didn't even dared to utter a word. She was feeling numb, not so devoid of any feeling, perhaps her mind might be drained out of thinking and handling the overwhelming emotions.

She noticed--she never used to crave but why after the kissing encounter? A part of her also thought that this is not a big matter? It's just a kiss. Right? Right-this fucking term was making her go restless! She heaved a sigh. She thought-'he must be busy, might come soon.'

She herself didn't know that-was she overthinking or consoling her own self? 'Where must he be?'--a consideration came into her mind.

But for many one this is not even a relevant thing for demonstrating into a big issue. And for some, this is nothing. But what about when these activities between two friends?

Her foot prints made their way back to her room as she settled down on her bed. She picked up her device, her heart hammered against her ribcage. 'Should I?'-- she thought and eventually heaving a sigh, she searched his contact. First ring. Second rings. Third-

Declined!

A splash of sorrowing reality washed on her. He declined. Her call. She was being nauseous with her own self now. Why on the hell, this thing happened only to her? Fuck.

She was out of hope, like an orphan puppy, lost in the midst of a scary path. 'So did he..t-terminate this friendship when he said "Where do you expect me to go?" ? Was he really taunting me? My action?'-- she thought.

Her nervous system felt as it was going to collapse, sensing the situation. It wanted to faint. To never come back in the present.

Her head suddenly shook, as her ignored the unpleasant thoughts. What were unpleasant thoughts? Just few made up stuff for encouragement of negativity. Nothing else to gain any good later.

Her hands which were trembling by the time, went to another contact. As she messaged him.

'Hey, Hshn.'

She stayed. Like anytime she life can be confront a big obstacle or hope.

And soon Hshines's message came, 'Hey Enne. What's up? texted me after an eternity, everything okay right?' his words audibly echoed in her eardrums as she hoped that she could reach her silver line. Maybe he can help.

'Yes, Hshn, I'm good. I was just asking, do you know where Nam might be? He isn't in his room.' She tried to her best not show her desperateness to him.

'Nam? Yeah, I did this morn,' she relieved at his first half phase as it continued 'well, he said, there is an urgent work and he need to complete so he had to go. Will come back. Don't worry.'

'Oh, thank you.' she replied.

'Can I ask something if you don't mind?' His text made her frown.

'Yes?'

'Are you guys fine right? cause he didn't tell you about this, like you both are besties?' His question made her gulp hard as she tensed out, also thinking what to say. Yes, her heart too was sensing hollow, knowing that he didn't inform her about his sudden leave. What excuse will she make up?

'Yeah, we are all good. Nothing to worry about.' She pressed on the send option, before declaring a heavy sigh.

'Thank god. I was stressed.'

Suddenly, another query came to her mind as she frowned before typing.

'Can I ask you something?'

'Yes? What's it'

'Was Namjoon with you all the time at the party?' She waited a for a long moment before texting him. Again the hurricane of thoughts hijacked her. She was dying to about his self reflection and reaction.

'Yes, all the time he was with me except for some time.' She gulped memorising the devastating yet captive event occurred with that interval.

'How was he reacting after that he came again?' Her lower getting abduct by her teeth.

'Nothing different. But he was not as happy as he was before. I wanted to ask about it but didn't do as it might personal and he don't share things with anyone except you.' Her mind emphasised on the last phase boldly.

Will he ever share him with her again?