HER GODMAN, HIS ESTEEM | 𝗔𝗨 | namjoon × enne

sorries|16

𝐻𝐸𝑅 𝐺𝑂𝐷𝑀𝐴𝑁 𝐻𝐼𝑆 𝐸𝑆𝑇𝐸𝐸𝑀| 16
SORRIES | N A M J O O N

Guilt; this is what violating my insides. That encounter occurring at night almost made me so low-that I have used her. My best friend. We had such a juncture, forgetting what's our bond; everything which got blur in that little while, now is stabbing like needles to me.

I knew; this was all wrong-It was a moment of a couple of seconds, but didn't take any reaction. The impairment we cause was all cause of me as I was the one taking the initial step. That carnal tension devastated our hearts' proximity.

My heart was not even done being dumped with this hurdle that another came up-dad's fifth death anniversary. I got a call from mom in that same night, afterwards.

That night, after the encounter my mind was already drenched in the muddy guilt-of me ruining our friendship. Senses stopped processing as the stress overcame my inner person. Fuck! This is so mucked up.

And the worst part; I'm the reason behind it.

I found it was better of not talking to her just after the confronting we had in her room. Deadly fazed by the situation, still I headed to the funeral anniversary the next day. Only the system knows that how pitiable it was for me that I could get a glimpse of her's reaction and expession after our moment. The parts were too shattered in vary filaments as one piece of mine tackled the gales of guilt coming afar from Enne's and my circumstances. Dad's death obviously, was lone of the tragic moments of my lifespan as another part of mine handled those upheaval sentiments. Why it only happens with me?

My nerves was in a misery and wretched state, levitated on the lava of the hell like time that I neglected everything. Everyone. Even her when we needed an essential terms-exchange. She called a countable times, but my soul didn't have any bravery to pick up, not even to leave a note.

But after all, I ultimately had to come. Back to her.

_______

SORRIES | E N N E

THE NEXT MORNING

My figure sat on my mattress, working on a few couple of story notes on my MacBook Air, trying to reroute myself but jinx-destined my mind; I didn't even write any single letter. It was me only who is aware of my situation since two nights-a floral without petals and thorns, a dead body with inhaling and exhaling lungs. The oxygen was going assimilating my blood but my veins were missing the shivers he used to provide at times.

As well as my nerves had the best of me, provoking my temples violently as if they can burst at any interval of time. Two fucking, elongated days ended with any: update, message and call back from him from that encounter. A piece of my nervous system also had a thought of him going back but only Hshines's message was a single thin string of forbearance of me in which he said of his soon arrival. I need to have some faith in our friendship.

My soles touched the floor as I get up from my bed after closing the device, loco motioning to a glass pane of my room as a view came before my eyeshots-It was noon time of the day, the solar sat on the throne of the mild sky, showing a huge dash of domination. The shadow of the trunks and vehicles diminished on the surfaces. Some beings were roaming on the routes objectifying like the army of ants.

This world is a wholesome of creations, still I'm in a lack of: connection, comprehension and people who can provide affection and assure that they are with me. Am I that not-worthing? I even had a person after dad. Had.