🌈The Scarlet Cube vol. 1💙💙

Chapter 1

All characters and events are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.

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"The glare of nearsighted car lights,

And the snow breathes hoarsely in the pattern of soles.

In the gaze of passersby, fragments of gray ice...

It's scary and sickening to search for something in them.

They're rushing somewhere like mad cattle,

Their thoughts can only bury themselves in problems.

To blow the whole city to hell and the end.

Maybe then their faces would change?!"

© Deacon

New York, December 2014

***

There are moments in life when the meaning of your existence doesn't even get lost; no, it simply dissipates before your very eyes like dust disturbed by the wind. You suddenly realize that you are infinitely alone, even though there are people who care about you. And this has been going on for so long that you can't remember when you crossed the line beyond which there is nothing but loneliness.

But you continued to live.

For some reason, you struggled, trying to resist the despair whose black depths persistently pulled you to the very bottom of hopelessness. Like a mad artist, you painted an ideal world for yourself. You invented a family and friends. Sometimes, you even fell in love, leaving bright spots of ephemeral colors on the black canvas of your days, which were immediately washed away by the turpentine rain of reality. You convinced yourself that everything was wonderful. Look, there it is, the bright lemon sun! There's the azure sky with its fluffy white clouds and the emerald green of summer, whispering sweet nothings to the warm breeze caressing it! Everything is fine! Everything is fine!!! Everything is just wonderful!..

But the desperate cry of self-deception was drowning in the thickening, sticky fog around you. The small rainbow-colored world was doomed. You heard the mirage you created moan as it died. You heard the happiness you invented howl in pain. You heard it... but you kept smiling, not noticing how the abyss of darkness was pulling you deeper and deeper, enveloping you in a corrosive cocoon of disappointment, squeezing you in the steel embrace of doom, sucking out everything bright and naive within you.

And then one day, you woke up to the loud crash of your shattered illusion, its sharp fragments swirling around in a gust of winter wind, cutting your skin and exposing your nerves, stripping away the last layer of protection, and tearing the veil of imagined well-being from your eyes.

And you saw this world. The very one you had lived in for eighteen years but knew nothing about. A world that didn't need you. A faceless, ugly world that existed before you and wouldn't disappear after you. No one would really mourn. A day or two, and that's it. Everything would go back to its usual state. Everything would return to its familiar course, but without you.

And yet, you so desperately want your existence to truly matter to someone. You long for someone truly special to be by your side. Someone just for you. Someone who, falling asleep at night and waking up in the morning, would breathe only for you. And you, in return, would do the same... to the point of dizziness... to the pain in your chest... to the grinding of your teeth from the almost panicked fear of losing... You would do the same...