CLOVE

thirty-six

⨯ brennan ⨯

6 months. 6 long months since clover left. It's all I can think about these days. Every time I wake up, every time I fall asleep, she's all I can think of. And the pain is still just as fresh as the day she left.I try to bury it, to shove it down and ignore it. But it's always there, lurking just beneath the surface, ready to pounce at the slightest trigger.

It's like she's everywhere. I see her in every sunrise and every sunset. I hear her voice in every whisper of the wind. And it's all so goddamned painful.I don't allow myself to feel much these days. I've locked away all my emotions, all my feelings. But clover... she's the one thing I can't seem to let go of.

I thought, perhaps foolishly, that with time the pain would ease. That I would start to forget. But it seems to get worse with each passing day. It's like a wound that I can't seem to heal, no matter how hard I try.

I've tried everything to distract myself. Work, hobbies, friends. But nothing works. Nothing can fill the void that clover left behind. She was my everything, and without her, I feel incomplete.

Atlas and I used to be so close. We were practically brothers, always hanging out and having each other's backs. But since clover left, everything has changed. It's like there's a wall between us now. A barrier that neither of us knows how to break down. We still talk, but it's superficial small talk. Nothing meaningful, nothing like the conversations we used to have. It's like he's just going through the motions, pretending everything is fine when it's not. And I can't blame him. I'm doing the same thing.

We've tried to talk about it, but it just doesn't work. We get into fights, yelling at each other until we're both too exhausted to speak anymore. And then we go back to pretending everything is fine. It's a vicious cycle, and I don't know how to free us from its grasp.

I miss him, dearly. I miss the bond we used to have. But I don't know how to fix it. We're both too broken, too consumed by our own pain to figure out how to connect with each other again. It's like we're both drowning in our own sorrow, and neither of us knows how to reach out and save the other.

I don't recognize myself anymore. I used to be so full of life, so passionate. But now, everything about me seems dull and faded. My days blur together, each one the same as the last. I go through the motions, going to work, eating, sleeping. But I feel like I'm just going through the motions of living, not truly living.The only thing that gives me any semblance of joy these days is the bottle. The burn of alcohol in my throat, the numbness it brings me. It's the only way I can forget about her, even if only for a short while.

Everywhere I go, I see her. In every crowd, every store, every street. It's like she's haunting me, reminding me of what I lost. I know it's all in my head, but it feels so real.

Sometimes I catch myself talking to her, like she's standing right next to me. It's pathetic, I know. But it's the only way I can feel close to her again.

I don't talk to many people these days. The few friends I have left have given up on trying to reach me. They've tried, I know they have, but I just can't seem to let them in. I've built walls around myself, so thick and strong that no one can penetrate them. No one except her.I miss her so much it hurts. It's a physical pain, an ache in my chest that never goes away.

Today I'm driving home from work, the radio playing softly in the background. Normally, I don't bother with music these days, but today I'm feeling strangely sentimental.It's a beautiful day outside, the sun is shining and the birds are singing. It should be a perfect day, but all I can think about is her.

As if on cue, the Goo Goo Dolls start playing on the radio. It's Iris, a song I once loved but now it just reminds me of her. I can feel the lump in my throat growing, the tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.It's like the universe is taunting me, reminding me of everything I've lost.

But for some reason, I can't bring myself to turn it off. I just sit there, listening to the lyrics, letting them wash over me like a wave.It's a beautiful song, full of pain and heartache. And it's killing me.

I remember walking in one day and hearing the most beautiful sound. It was her singing Iris, her voice sweet and clear and beautiful. I stopped dead in my tracks, just listening to the sound of her voice. It was like something out of a dream.I stood there for what seemed like an eternity, just listening to her sing. It was the first time in a long time that I felt remotely happy. But now the memory only brings me pain.

Hearing her sing that song now is like a punch to the gut. It brings back all the memories, all the happy times we shared together. And it's all so painfully bittersweet.It's a beautiful memory, one I'll always cherish. But it's also a reminder of what I lost. Of what I let slip through my fingers.