CLOVE

twenty-seven

☘︎ clover ☘︎

It was a constant battle against the pain in my heart, the ache in my chest that never went away. I tried so hard to be strong and understanding, to give him the space he needed to deal with his own demons. But it was hard, so hard, to keep going when the person I loved seemed so determined to push me away.

I missed the way he used to touch me, the way he used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear. I missed the way he would hold me close and whisper against my skin. But all I had now were faded memories and a cold, empty bed.

The silence between us had grown deafening, each day blending into the next as we continued to drift further apart. The more he pushed me away, the more I longed for him. The more he shut me out, the more I felt the ache of loneliness in my chest. And despite everything, I still cared for him intensely, with every fiber of my being.

But it was impossible to keep going on like this. I needed to break this cycle, to find some way to reach him before we both vanished into the silence and darkness.

I knew that he was struggling, that the weight of his responsibilities was eating him alive. But he wouldn't let me in, refusing to share his pain or lean on me for support. I needed to find a way to get through to him, to make him see that he didn't have to shoulder everything on his own.

But how? How could I break through the walls he had built around himself when he seemed so determined to keep me out?

I spent countless nights tossing and turning in bed, my mind racing with thoughts of him. I longed to hold him again, to feel his body against mine and see the light in his eyes that had gone out some time ago. But when I tried to reach out to him, he pushed me away, making excuses and avoiding me at all costs.

It hurt more than anything I had ever felt before. To care for someone so much and feel so helpless in the face of their pain. I wanted to take his pain away, to ease the burden on his shoulders and make him see that he wasn't alone. But he didn't want my help, he didn't want anything from me.

Every night, I would lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling and feeling the loneliness weighing me down. I longed for the sound of his voice, the feel of his touch. But everything was still and silent, the only sound the steady beat of my own heart.

I couldn't keep going on like this, trapped in this cycle of pain and hopelessness. I needed to find a way to reach him, to break through the walls he had erected around himself. But how could I do that when he seemed so determined to push me away?

I tried everything I could think of. I left notes around the house, hoping he would find them and realize how much I missed him. I tried to initiate conversations, but he always found a way to shut me down. I even tried to surprise him with his favorite meal after a long day at work, but he barely touched the food and disappeared into his office.

It was like talking to a wall, trying to communicate with him. He was so distant and unreachable, like he was a thousand miles away even when he was standing right in front of me. I felt like I was drowning, suffocating in a sea of silence and loneliness.